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It made me laugh anyway.

Sepulchritude Forum » The Absinthe Forum Archive thru June 2002 » Archive Thru May 2002 » It made me laugh anyway. « Previous Next »

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Posted on Saturday, June 1, 2002 - 4:57 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Wait, Tiger Brown? Isn't that a character from 3 Penny Opera? Boy was I fucking plotzed last night.
Tiger Woods!
Posted on Friday, May 31, 2002 - 6:59 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Tell that to Pokie Reddick motherfucker!
Posted on Friday, May 31, 2002 - 5:20 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

A recent quote from Sharon Stone:
Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake entire relationships.

A recent quote from Tiger Brown:
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men who like to dress like black pimps.
Posted on Wednesday, May 29, 2002 - 6:16 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say... should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn' be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal".
Posted on Wednesday, May 29, 2002 - 6:14 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush,something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls." With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says........
"You idiot!" "You're sitting on the mop bucket!!!
Posted on Tuesday, May 28, 2002 - 11:47 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

I'm almost positive I had a boner as well... or an overdose of viagra...
Posted on Tuesday, May 28, 2002 - 4:24 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Pikkle, Marc, and myself were walking down the street smashed on Jade when we ran into a bum with a knife. The bum says "OK you sacks of shit, drop your pants, and if all your peckers combined don't total up to 12 inches, I'm gonna stab all a yous to death." So Pikkle drops his pants and the bum says "OK, that looks like 6 inches to me", and then I drop my pants and the bum says "OK, theres another five, looks like yous only gots one more inch to go." Marc drops his pants and the bum says, "well I'll be damned, you all add up to twelve inches exactly. Guess you sorry bastards can go."
As we're walking down the street relieved, Pikkle says "man I'm glad I had my 6 inch dick",
I say "man I'm glad I had my 5 inch dick",
and then Marc says "thank god I had a boner."
Posted on Tuesday, May 28, 2002 - 6:13 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. However, one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty and found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as
she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did so, slowly. "Now take off my socks." He did. "Now take off my skirt." He did. "Now take off my bra." Again with trembling hands he did as he was told. "Now," she said, "take off my panties." He slowly pulled them down and off. Then she looked at him and said, "Don't you ever wear my clothes to town again!"
Posted on Tuesday, May 28, 2002 - 6:02 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the first officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious by the silence that they don't get along.

After 30 minutes, the Jewish captain mutters, "I don't like Chinese."

The first officer replies, "You no rike Chinese? Why dat?"

"You bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese."

"No, no, Japanese bomb Peahl Hahbah, not Chinese."

"Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, it doesn't matter. They're all alike."

Another 30 minutes of silence. Finally the first officer says, "No rike Jews."

"Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"

"Jews sink Titanic."

"No, no. The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."

"Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, no mattah. All arike

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