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Archive through June 10, 2002

Sepulchritude Forum » The Absinthe Forum Archive thru June 2002 » Introducing Rudi » Archive through June 10, 2002 « Previous Next »

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Posted on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 2:37 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

Actually I'm a big fan of Toots and the Maytals myself... appreciated by ska and reggae afficianados alike...
Posted on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 2:18 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

Man I used to love all those Two-Tone bands.
Posted on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 1:38 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

Posted on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 12:51 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

Traineraz: Rudi only sings in Italian. Rules of the house. We aint got no idea who or what The Specials are.

You are worse than a Red Cross CEO cutting in on donations. Where were you when Rudi was homeless living at PetCo? Where were you when the $75 adoption fee had to paid? where are you now that the little fellar has a cold?

why am I up this late?
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 11:54 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Marc! You rip-off artist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And Tort... why am I not going to be invited over again? I mean, I wasn't planning on stopping by anyway...
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 11:45 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

. . . and here I thought you were perhaps an anti-Jellyist!

I must meditate and determine why Rudi did not make this song known to me when he prepared me to become his Chosen Profit. How could the omniscient Rudi not know? Perhaps this was a test! I shall chant my mantra:


In any case, may I announce the happy return of the pre-Jelly-Toeists to this most lovely forum, and reissue my request for prayers, rituals, stories of the countless life-changing Miracles bestowed upon you by Rudi, the Jelly-Toe Cat, donations, incantations, bottles of Jade, hymns, and any other contribution, financial, liquid, or other, which you feel will contribute to the foundations of the coming Jelly-Toeist Religion and Utopian Order.

Contribute! Testify! Chant! Or just contribute!

Please do keep in mind that Rudi is unable to accept financial or liquid contributions directly, and all should be sent to me, his Chosen Profit. I will direct a portion to Tort, Rudi's Divine Need-Meeter and Caretaker, to ensure that Rudi the Jelly-Toe Cat is treated with the respect and adoration he so richly deserves. The remainder will, of course, be used to aid in the transcription of the Rudi Prophecies and the collection and editing of Jelly-Toeist literature (hymns, prayers, incantations, rituals, stories, etc.) for publication and distribution to the faithful.
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 11:30 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

oh FI!

you misunderstood me ... I was following Marc's lead .... it's a song by the Specials:

Stop your messin' around
Better think of your future
Time you straightened right out
Creatin' problems in town
Rudy a message to you

Stop your foolin' around
Time you straightened right out
Better think of your future
Or else you'll wind up in jail
Rudy a message to you

Stop your messin' around
Better think of your future
Time you straightened right out
Creatin' problems in town
Rudy a message to you ...
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 10:53 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

I know because I am the Chosen Profit of Rudi, the Jelly-Toe Cat.

However, I have been instructed to cease and desist all proselytization activities. As this forum is Kallisti's domain, and not that of Jelly-Toeists (for another thousand years, anyway), and as I do not wish to suffer the wrath of either Kallisti OR the more violent Counting Houseboy, I shall comply.
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 10:49 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Yes, send donations to Rudi! Don't forget to make the checks payable to me, Rudi doesnt have a checking account. We will also accept stock options and frequent flyer miles.

oh yeah, Pikkle: you are never going to be invited to my house for dinner.

If you are all good children, maybe Rudi will be the guest of honor at the NYC gathering.
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 10:43 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Stop your foolin' around ...
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 10:37 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

A message to you Rudi...
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 10:37 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

I cant believe how much banter my little Rudi has caused. Today he DID try to eat my toast! How did you know? (Twilight Zone theme song is heard)

Traineraz: the cats and I thank you for the poem. Little Rudi is honored, indeed. A toast to Traineraz! Everyone thinks we named Rudi after Guiliani, NYC's hero and previous mayor. Rudi does have courage. He insists on making friends with Max no matter how much he is hissed at or ignored. Rudi is a Mighty Little One with just a squeak for a meow and an ever optimistic view of the world.
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 10:36 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Oops, that's "Chosen PROPHET." Darned edit function doesn't work for us prophets, either.
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 10:35 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

*AHEM* I believe we were discussing the grand and glorious future of Rudi, the Jelly-Toe Cat?

Please, let's stay on topic.

Does anyone have any prayers, hymns, rituals, odes to the glory that is Rudi, or other (financial) contributions to aid in the development of Jelly-Toeism? (My sources say it will eventually be shortened to "Toeism," but that's almost TWO thousand years hence. No sense jumping the gun.)

Ah, it's difficult to be the Chosen Profit of Rudi, the Jelly-Toe Cat. Send money now, instant salvation for $50 or a bottle of Jade. Salvisfaction guaranteed, or double Head's monkey back!
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 10:19 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

A - What can I say, we disagree. B-12 is available from non-flesh sources so it's pointless to even mention it. Yes, a vegetarian diet may be a pain in the ass to you, but your scare tactics against vegetarianism are scientifically/nutritionally unfounded. I urge those interested to do their own objective research.

And just to be clear, I never directly assiociated you with the KKK. A clansman justifies his actions by thinking himself superior to jews and blacks. Sorry, but there is a certain similarity in rationale - but, of course, it doesn't make you a clansman. (Now you have to put your symapthy card on the bottom of the pile.)
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 8:43 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Jelly-Toe Cats, like Rudi, would much rather eat Toast with Jelly than some squeaking Bird.
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 8:30 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Quote: "Take any animal raised with humans and release it into the wild and it will have a major problem adapting."

I once had a parakeet that used to sit outside on the top of his cage. He decided that he liked to fly around the day, when the door was open; he flew outside into the world. NO more parakeet - so we thought. A month or two later, we find this damn parakeet at the bird feeder outside OWNING the feeder. No other birds could come near it as he was the aggressor. Any time any other bird, even Blue Jays (which are known for their dominating behavior), could not get to the seeds. This parakeet was tough and was able to live in the wild without problem. We thought it was quite interesting. No idea where Hamlet is now, though!

OK, time for the Cat eats the Bird comments. Donít you just love the segues?
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 8:16 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Meow, meow, meow, meow!
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 8:15 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Rudi the Jelly-Toe Cat shall be the stuff of Legend.

Great epic Poems shall be composed about his many brave Deeds.

Jelly betwixt one's Toes shall be indicative of the greatest Courage, among the Human, Feline, and even Canine Races.

One Thousand Years hence, a great Cat-hedral shall be constructed in his Honor. Barefoot Worshippers shall walk the Path of Greatest Jelly, approaching the Altar of Toastiness with the sacred Jelly between their lowly Toes. They shall bring Offerings of assorted Jellies, Jams, and Marmalade to place upon the crusty Altar, and shall join in the sacred Eating of the Altar of Toastiness Ceremony.

Those who provide a proper Offering as part of their Pilgrimage shall receive the eternal Jellification of Rudi, and shall go forth and multiply like feral Cats, screeching in Alleyways and having Shoes thrown at them from Humans leaning from high Windows.

They shall bring these Shoes to the Cat-hedral, where they shall receive numerous Blessings unto themselves. They shall feel Frisky, and worship together with a joyous Meow Mix, until the Day of Rudi's Resurrection. Then, All Truth and Knowledge shall be revealed, and Humans, Felines, and Canines will live in Harmony and abundant flowing Jelly for all Time.
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 8:11 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Well, I'm sure Rudi is quite appreciative of that commentary... and don't forget our teeth, devours most living things quite capably, as well as tastily. Did I mention too that it's more cheesier?
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 8:05 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

I read an interview with a guy who decided to start living a more vital life - no technology, no civilization, nothing but him and nature. He wandered off into the woods and started getting really hungry. He said he started out killing rodents by hitting them with a stick or a thrown rock. Eventually he had his own shelters and clothing made of animal hides and more sophisticated weapons. A human being with the will to live is more than a match for any other particular creature. Many of us may have trouble using our oversized brains to engage in rational, civilized discourse, but couple human brain power with a strong will to live and no other animal stands a chance. Our eyes are front-looking and stereoscopic for a reason - hunting, killing and stealing stuff is our specialty... most specifically in the form of devious imagination. The idea that a human is no match for a rabbit could only come from someone who has been so overeducated, indoctrinated and emasculated as to have no real idea of their true vitality and inherent capabilities. I guffaw at the sickly weakness revealed by such a preposterous claim. You could take everything I own, seal me in a crate, and drop me in the wilds of Africa -- I'd be back and roasting your testicles over a fire within a few months. You are only as small as the limits you impose on your own imagination.

Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 7:58 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Rudi can't fail.
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 7:49 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

In order to get back to the original topic, I have composed an ode to Rudi's arrival:

Little Rudi

raised in Captivity


new Home with Tort

first Day, found treading on

Tort's Toast



Jelly-Toe Cat

Max licks Jelly-Toes clean

how sweet
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 6:53 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post


I don't know how I missed this one, but I can't resist responding.

As for the hunter, put your naked self and a jack rabbit in the ring and see how you do - my money's on Fluffy, serously. Without weapons my friend, you/we are the hunted.

Take any animal raised with humans and release it into the wild and it will have a major problem adapting.

Your argument is rather silly when you consider the hunting skills of the aboriginal tribes who still live with "stonage' means for hunting the animals they eat.

Just because I'm ignorant of the more primitive means of hunting animals doesn't mean that it would be impossible for myself or any human to live in the manner of our ancestors.
Posted on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 6:51 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Okay, let's talk more about Rudi... you go first.

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