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Thought for the day.

Sepulchritude Forum » The Absinthe Forum Archive thru January 2003 » The Monkey Hole » Thought for the day. « Previous Next »

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Posted on Thursday, July 25, 2002 - 2:57 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Chamfort said, "Whoever is not a misanthrope at forty can never have loved mankind." I would add: "Whoever is not a misanthrope at thirty can never have worked tech support."
Posted on Thursday, July 25, 2002 - 1:58 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

All genuine (apparently?)

Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?".
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack
before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?".
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?".
Operator: Doesn't the product give you a clue?

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?".

Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?".
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven?. Are you sure?".
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland".

Caller: "I'd like the RSPCA please".
Operator: "Where are you calling from?".
Caller: "The living room".

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".

Computer Capers
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".
Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?".
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?".

Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".

British Rail
Customer: "How much does it cost to Bath on the train?".
Operator: "If you can get your feet in the sink, then it's free".

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

The Bank
Caller: "I would like to borrow $2,000 please".
Operator: "Certainly, sir. Over how long?".
Caller: "Three years, please".
Operator: "OK, sir. That will be £75 per month for 36 months. Is that OK?".
Caller: "No, not at all. I want it all at once!"
Posted on Wednesday, July 24, 2002 - 12:26 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Fuck all deposit unfortunately. Serpis I'm afraid is a bad medium term financial investment and a bad long term cerebral investment, but it pays good short term psychoactive and emotional dividends.

Posted on Wednesday, July 24, 2002 - 2:22 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

and what's the deposit on a bottle of Serpis?
Posted on Wednesday, July 24, 2002 - 2:14 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

If you had bought £1000.00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth £49.00.

With Enron, you would have £16.50 of the original £1,000.00.

With Worldcom, you would have less than £5.00 left.

If you had bought £1,000.00 worth of Stella Artois one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the bottles for a 5p deposit, you would now have

Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.


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