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Archive through December 13, 2002

Sepulchritude Forum » The Absinthe Forum Archive thru January 2003 » Strictly Absinthe & Collectibles » An ODE to OPTIMALSMARTS » Archive through December 13, 2002 « Previous Next »

Author Message
Head_Prosthesis
Posted on Friday, December 13, 2002 - 4:09 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

THIS IS NOT A JOKE!!!!!!!
THE RUMORS ARE TRUE!!!!!!
OPTIMALSMARTS HAS HIS
FINGER ON THE PULSE OF THE
GREEN ARTERY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU WANT LA BLEUE HE'S GOT IT.
YOU WANT VINTAGE HE'S GOT IT.
YOU WANT JADE???
HE'S UP TO HIS FUCKIN' EYEBALLS
IN JADE!!!! IT'S LIKE JADE STUCK
A PIPE UP HIS ASS AND SAID "SPREAD
THE WORD BROTHER!"
THE JADE TEAM HAVE DEF BEEN WAITING
FOR A MARKETING WHIZZ KID LIKE OPIE.
NO WONDER IT TOOK SO LONG?!?!?!?!
Chevalier
Posted on Friday, December 13, 2002 - 3:31 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Optimalsmarts, now you'll really have to donate a bottle of Suisse La Bleue to HP.

** You'll let us know when you receive it, won't you, Head? **
Head_Prosthesis
Posted on Friday, December 13, 2002 - 2:29 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

i HAVE DEALT WITH THE HONORABLE O.S.
ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS IN FACT RECENTLY.

i HAVE ORDERED MANY BOTTLES OF FINE
DRINKS FROM HIM FOR MANY OF MY OWN
PRIVATE GATHERINGS.

hE HAS ALWAYS GIVEN ME
THE BEST DEAL IN TOWN!!!!

hE SENT ME FREE BOTTLES
WHEN I "TOLD" HIM THEY
WERE BROKE IN THE MAIL.

tHAT FORUM DISCOUNT,
BABY IT'S A MIRACLE,
HE SLASHED HIS PRICES IN
....HALF!!! WITH FREE SHIPPING!!!!

hE IS DEF THE MAN!!! i WOULD ABSOLUTELY
DEAL WITH HIM AGAIN.

tHANKY OPTI FOR THE MOST RECENT
INSTALLMENT YOU JUST SENT ME TODAY
(PRO GRATIS... WHAT A GUY???) iT IN
NO WAY HAS INFLUENCED MY TESTIMONY!!!!!!

tHIS GUY IS THE REAL DEAL. POPEIL!!!
Chevalier
Posted on Friday, December 13, 2002 - 2:26 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Oh, by all means, go right ahead! I'll jump in afterward.
Drinkslinger
Posted on Friday, December 13, 2002 - 2:24 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

So you're telling me I shouldn't run out and buy any vintage Pernod from Optimalsmarts ;-)
Chevalier
Posted on Friday, December 13, 2002 - 1:57 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Well, blow me down.

It seems that the latest four(!) negative feedback on Jabi2's eBay record were left by "northernlightsllc", who is none other than ... drumroll, please ... OPTIMALSMARTS.

http://cgi2.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback&userid=jabi2

Hmmm ... are two threads merging here?
Drinkslinger
Posted on Friday, December 13, 2002 - 12:32 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Optimalsmarts: Here's a tip. When trying to muscle in on an already established territory you need to BEAT the prices that are already in existence.
Could you explain to me why I should buy from you, a new company, with higher or similar prices, rather than an established company that I know I can trust? Please don't foist the fact that you are shipping from within the US as a reason. I have yet to hear from a member on this or any other list who has had ATF agents show up on their doorstep.
Chevalier
Posted on Friday, December 13, 2002 - 12:06 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

I repeat, Optimalsmarts: To defend your honor, "those forum members who have used your services should speak now and tell us about their experiences."

Anyone out there (I hope)?
Chevalier
Posted on Friday, December 13, 2002 - 11:58 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

The ol' crystal ball says ...

1. Optimalsmarts will buy bottles of Jade directly from BEL, just like the rest of us.

2. Optimalsmarts will auction off the bottles on eBay, YahooAuctions, etc. to folks who won't know what BEL is.

3. Optimalsmarts will laugh all the way to the bank ... unless we contact his auction's bidders before the auction is over, and give them BEL's website address.

4. In which case, Optimalsmarts will do what Absinthemania does: make his auctions "Buy-It-Now" only, so that the first bid ends the auction.
Crosby
Posted on Friday, December 13, 2002 - 11:46 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

Hey Optimalsmarts,

How was that bottle of "vintage Pernod" you bought from Jabi?
Please enlighten us on how and when you plan on offering Jade.

H.
Nolamour
Posted on Friday, December 13, 2002 - 11:03 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

HI there!

I'm a moderator and well known vet...email me for my FREE bottle of La Bleue! Oh, I'll take the Jade as well. Don't forget, sugar, a couple of spoons, and maybe even a swirl glass.

OOOH, I can't wait!
Drinkslinger
Posted on Friday, December 13, 2002 - 10:32 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

I think if you donated a bottle of Jade, you might be given a lot more credit than you're getting. :-)
Chevalier
Posted on Friday, December 13, 2002 - 10:26 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

Hi Optimalsmarts, glad to see you didn't take my "clever" poetry the wrong way.

Those forum members who have used your services should speak now and tell us about their experiences. It would be a quick, fair and convincing way to build up your reputation around here.

So, how about it? If you've ordered from Optimalsmarts, don't hide; help the guy out!
Optimalsmarts
Posted on Friday, December 13, 2002 - 10:15 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

quite creative. Thankyou for all of the kind words. Your favorite site is back up and running. I know you all are awaiting my new knockout deals im pushing in 2003. But seriously guys, some of you already order from me so if you dont and you need a bottle very quick I have **NEW LOW PRICES** that i have been giving to forum members who ask. Dont be a hater, give me a chance like so many of your piers have done. You will spend about 5-8$ more with me but its quick and painless. I am willing to donate a bottle of Suisse La Bleue to a moderator or a well known vet such as HP as a sign of good faith and a show of my true intentions. That is to provide quick and safe bottles to people who need them while making a little on the vets and a healthy sum on the newbies. I have the newbie business but I am looking for a positive image on the boards these days and what better way to accomplish that than to be your best domestic supplier? Thanks for your time, OS.
Chevalier
Posted on Thursday, December 12, 2002 - 7:04 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

ORDURED: Covered, spattered, or filled with dung.

OBSTIPATED: Suffering from stubborn and persistent constipation.

OMNIFUTUANT: Prone to engage in sexual activity with anything.

OPISTHOTONICKE: A short-necked person.

OZOAMBLYROTIC: Suffering from the loss of sexual desire due to the unpleasant body odor of one's partner.

ODORIVECTOR: The source of a smell.

ONIOMANIAC: A person with an unreasonable and uncontrollable impulse to buy things.

OKIOMIASMATA: Unhealthy domestic gases; wafting pollution in a household.

OPTIMALSMARTS: All of the above ;-)
Head_Prosthesis
Posted on Wednesday, December 11, 2002 - 4:33 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

It's fucking brilliant man!
Traineraz
Posted on Wednesday, December 11, 2002 - 3:59 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Hmm, a sheep with a squeezebox . . . or is that an albino Great Dane with an Afro?
Head_Prosthesis
Posted on Wednesday, December 11, 2002 - 3:00 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

ORf!
Chevalier
Posted on Wednesday, December 11, 2002 - 10:21 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

If "orf" is the only word you're not sure about, then I'm very impressed!

ORF (n.): A sheep-borne skin disease that causes red, oozing sores around the mouth. No treatment is necessary; the condition eventually clears up by itself.
Traineraz
Posted on Wednesday, December 11, 2002 - 9:44 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

What's an orf?
Nolamour
Posted on Wednesday, December 11, 2002 - 7:37 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

Again, The last post was NOT me...or was it?

Oh, Opulent Oppressor!
Oh, Obsessed Oaf!
Oh, Whatever!
Nolan
Posted on Wednesday, December 11, 2002 - 12:21 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

Oh!!! to hell with optimaldunce!!
Louched_Liver
Posted on Tuesday, December 10, 2002 - 12:11 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Oh shit! Oh my! Oh wow!
O-gasm!
Raschied
Posted on Tuesday, December 10, 2002 - 12:04 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Too much O-literation! Makes me wanna show my o-face!
Chevalier
Posted on Monday, December 9, 2002 - 1:54 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

"Oh ordured, obstipated Optimalsmarts!
Our own omnifutuant orf!
Opisthotonicke, ozoamblyrotic odorivector,
Oniomaniac, obstinate okiomiasmata!"

-- OED

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