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Sepulchritude Forum » The Absinthe Forum Archive thru January 2003 » Strictly Absinthe & Collectibles » I AM AN OPTIMALSMARTS CUSTOMER!!!!!!!!!!!! « Previous Next »

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Posted on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 12:17 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post

Posted on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 11:46 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

Bhanks, Bouched Biver.
Posted on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 10:29 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

Point taken.
Posted on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 10:09 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

It's all due to a little book called DEPRAVED AND INSULTING ENGLISH, by Peter Novobatzky and Ammon Shea.
Posted on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 10:06 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

You're assuming that I'm human, eh?
Posted on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 8:30 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

And please, speak for yourself about missing your baculum.
Posted on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 8:29 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

Man, do you have some serious free time!!
Posted on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 6:15 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

The beauty of English is, there are many synonyms for "optimalsmarts" ...

BACULUM (The penis bone; absent in humans)

BADLING (A man who is effeminate or worthless)

BALANIC (Having to do with the penis or clitoris)

BALANOPLASTY (Plastic surgery of the penis)

BARATHRUM (An extortionist who will not be satisfied)

BARATRESS (A female quareller)

BARKLED (Skin encrusted with dirt)

BARLICHOOD (Drunk and mean)

BARRATOR (An ambulance-chasing lawyer)

BASTINADO (To beat the soles of someone's feet with a stick or club)

BATHETIC (Falsely sentimental)

BATHYCOLPIAN (Having deep cleavage)

BDELLATOMY (The cutting of a leech while it is sucking)

BDELLOID (Resembling a leech)

BDOLOTIC (Prone to farting)

BEADLEDOM (Petty and stupid officialdom)

BEAU-NASTY (A slovenly fop)

BEDIZEN (To dress in a flashy or vulgar manner)

BEDSWERVER (An unfaithful spouse)

BEDUNG (To cover with shit)

BEGRUTTEN (Having one's face swollen or disfigured from weeping)

BELDAM (A mean and ugly old woman)

BEMUTE (To drop shit from above, as pigeons do)

BEPISS (To urinate upon)

BERAY (To splatter with shit)

BESCUMBER (See "Beray")

BESLOBBER (To cover with sloppy kisses)

BESPAWLED (Splattered with spit)

BESPEW (To eject vomit upon)

BEZOAR (A hardened hairball found in the digestive tracts of grazing animals)

BIVIRIST (A woman who enjoys sex with two men at the same time)

BLATHERSKITE (A boaster; a loudmouth)

BLATTOID (Resembling a cockroach)

BLENNORRHEA (The morbid and excessive secretion of mucus)

BLISSOM (To copulate with a ewe)

BLOWMAUNGER (A person who is fat to the point that his/her cheeks are puffed out)

BLOWZE (A fat, red, bloated wench)

BOLUS (A ball of chewed food, ready to be swallowed)

BONNYCLABBER (Milk gone sour)

BOODLER (One who happily accepts or offers bribes)

BORBORYGMUS (A rumbling in the intestines caused by gas)

BRACHYPHALLIC (Having a penis that is very short)

BREEDBATE (A troublemaker)

BRIM (To be in heat)

BROCHITY (Crookedness of the teeth)

BROMIDROSIPHOBIA (A hallucinatory fear of body odor)

BROMIDROSIS (Ill-smelling sweat)

BROMOMENORRHEA (Foul-smelling menstrual discharge)

BROMOPNEA (Foul-smelling breath)

BUCCULA (A saggy double chin)

BULCHIN (A chubby or broad-faced boy)

BURKE (To murder by smothering, in order to sell the corpse to a medical school)

BYENTAL (A horse's penis)

BYSPEL (The outcast of a family)
Posted on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 5:51 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

Posted on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 5:30 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

Brett, bottles, blue, bat, bribes, batty, beat!!!

More "b" words
more "b" words!!!!
Posted on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 5:20 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

SloptiFarts service?
Can't beat it!
Posted on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 2:36 am:   Edit PostPrint Post

I stand corrected. Thank you, Brett, for having the guts and moral fiber to defend a friend in need, even if he is batty and blue.
Posted on Sunday, December 15, 2002 - 10:28 pm:   Edit PostPrint Post


I have been silent long enough. I am an Optimalsmarts customer. I even have a picture of him as he hand delivered my "free" bottle. See my profile. Look at how friendly he is, he even wanted to play a game with his shiny new Met's bat.

Optimalsmarts is an honest retailer, his prices are fair and he is a good conversationalist. And he certainly is dead-on with his shiny new Met's bat. Look at how happy he is to "deal" with me?

Unlike HP, I have not been bribed. My testimony is based not on money or promises, simply excellent "customer service" and only one "free" bottle. As soon as I recover enough from Optimalsmart's last visit (my he is handy with that shiny new Met's bat), and the hosptial feels I'm well enough to go, I will purchase from him again due to his excellent "customer service".

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