Crillon Bankrupt! BEL buys Absente inventory, Dumps it in Toxic Waste Site

Sepulchritude Forum: The Absinthe Forum Thru December 2001: Crillon Bankrupt! BEL buys Absente inventory, Dumps it in Toxic Waste Site
By Chevalier on Tuesday, September 04, 2001 - 09:40 am: Edit

Hell, having haggis as a "national food" is criminal.

By Don_Walsh on Tuesday, September 04, 2001 - 09:33 am: Edit

We mostly saw them 10-15 years late in the States which meant, insofar as the political humor went, that unless you were a specialist, you didn't get it. And specialists in UK politics either had great senses of humor (Irish) or none at all (English) or senses of humor that can only be attreibuted to war criminals (Welsh).

By Chevalier on Tuesday, September 04, 2001 - 07:48 am: Edit

1979: Sneaking in to see Monty Python live at the Hollywood Bowl. (Not the movie: the Bowl itself.) Witnessing a very tall John Cleese in drag, lugging around a very large stuffed albatross. Foolishly not buying a poster with the lyrics of the Bruces' Philosophers' Song. Ah, the looniness of it ...

By Etienne on Tuesday, September 04, 2001 - 05:15 am: Edit

When I was in school we used to rattle off Python routines without even thinking. We put posters up all over campus about my friend Mike doing the Antler Dance in front of the Ad. Building during homecoming. It took him years to forgive us.

Sigh... those were the days....

By Petermarc on Tuesday, September 04, 2001 - 02:29 am: Edit

artemis, thanks for the link!
i was close, but it has been over 20 years since
i did the skit in high-school...one of my all-time favorites is the undertaker's sketch...
'ok, we'll cook up your mum, you can eat her, and if you feel the least bit guilty about it, we'll dig a grave and you can throw up in it'
god, that's funny...

By Etienne on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 06:17 pm: Edit

I have so many younger friends who know the movies but have no concept of the original programs.

"What a senseless waste of human life"

By Artemis on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 05:48 pm: Edit

Mr. Mousebender: "Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?"
Mr. Wensleydale: "Not today, sir, no."

By Artemis on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 05:43 pm: Edit

http://www.angelfire.com/mi/roseghost/cheese.html

By Petermarc on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 02:34 pm: Edit

not much of a cheese shop, is it?
finest in the district...
really?
it's so clean...
well, it's certainly uncontaminated by cheese!

By Thegreenimp on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 12:26 pm: Edit

Don,
You are quite right, Milius got the better parts from Fred Rexer.....(Fred's deleted ideas were a hoot).......Your early description of perimeter defenses brought Fred to mind at once.
Regards
Jay

By Artemis on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 12:21 pm: Edit

The Cheese Shop is a Monty Python bit as is the Spanish Inquisition. Sorry, I assumed you had seen it. Essentially, it's about a cheese shop that has no cheese, but loathe to admit it. And I recently had been talking about shooting up the place. Sorry, I guess it turned out to be an in-joke among one person.

By Don_Walsh on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 11:07 am: Edit

Cheese? Cheese? What's all this about cheese? Did we segue to the Ben Gunn scene in TREASURE ISLAND? "Got a bit o'cheese about you, matey?"

By Don_Walsh on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 11:05 am: Edit

The parody short film PORK LIPS NOW just about sums up my opinion of APOCALYPSE by the way. Anybody seen the parody?

By Don_Walsh on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 11:01 am: Edit

I recommend the short story "Baby's Blood" by my old pal Dennis Etchison (best known for his film THE FOG)

But even that wasn't a pimple on the ass of "Smokey Joe" by David Drake, another old friend. THAT story managed to get itself banned in the UK, a good trick in the 70s or 80s.

Col.Kurz? Fat old Marlon pretending to be a spec ops guy, mouthing nonsense spoonfed to him by Milius who mostly cribbed the better bits from his prop man Fred Rexer (and if you don't believe me, ask TheGreenImp.) The only scary thing about Kurz was trying to figure out how long it had been since brando had seen his dick (except in a mirror and maybe not even then.)

By Verawench on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 10:32 am: Edit

Absinthe and baby's blood.. hmm... Head, I think Slerpis has been Donned and outdone.

By Head_Prosthesis on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 09:38 am: Edit

The Heads

By Artemis on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 08:50 am: Edit

"Marlon Brando's face divided in two by a leather thong!"

YOWZA!! I was already laughing as I read through this, but that made me spit coffee on my monitor. Thanks a lot, Vera!

"I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition!"

Now I'm going to ask you once more, and if you say 'no' I'm going to shoot you through the head. Now, do you have any cheese at all?

By Head_Prosthesis on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 08:34 am: Edit

By the way Don, Happy Labor Day!

By Head_Prosthesis on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 08:32 am: Edit

There's a little bit of Colonel Kurtz out there in Thailand isn't there?

By Don_Walsh on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 08:15 am: Edit

You'd never make it through the minefields, the claymore killing zone, the clouds of persistant VX nerve agent, and most definitely, the five evil vicious canines that guard my castle of evil, where I sit on my throne of skulls, sipping absinthe and baby's blood, they are direct linear descendants of the heads of Cerberus.

And if that fails, which it never has, there's the comfy chair, and the Spanish Inquisition.

"Blimey," says Marc, "I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition!"

By Verawench on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 12:50 am: Edit

"Dear god!" yelped the Wench, clinging to her Headless companion "And i thought Howard Stern had it bad with the cellulite.. but this.. this.. the horror! the horror! It's like Marlon Brando's face divided in two by a leather thong!"

"Oh take me home, bun-bun, this isn't worth it... my eyes.. "

By Head_Prosthesis on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 12:46 am: Edit

Hah ha ha... You made Head laugh ( oh no, I am Alfred Jarry ::refering to myself in the third person:: )

By Marc on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 12:44 am: Edit

Little did Wench and Head realize, but the morphine-addicted, psychedelic cowboy, known as Marc Campbell, had already entered the Walsh compound. In his black leather thong and red vinyl Beatle boots, Campbell had infiltrated Big Mango's inner sanctum. Pretending to be a Thai cross-dressing lesbian, Campbell had seduced the corpulent absinthe maker with a combination of suggestive pelvic thrusts and a handful of imported Swiss chocolates. Big Mango was a sucker for big dykes and fine candy.

By Verawench on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 12:34 am: Edit

To clarify, the event in question did not involve me personally tending to the Dirty Monkey. The Dirty Monkey was dispatched by a professional monkey handler.

Allow me also to bring to light the fact that the speedos were as much a necessity for Mr. Head as they were a visual stimulus for the Wench in question. You figure it out.

Oh, but do go on, sweetness.

By Head_Prosthesis on Sunday, September 02, 2001 - 11:35 pm: Edit

Thwarted yet again by the moats and booby traps around "Jade-Thai Compound" Verawench and Head_Prosthesis struggle forward inching closer to the precious green...

"Get your hands off my Ass!!!" yelps Head, "You're gonna blow our cover!"

"I can't help it, my little pearl. Those tight little speedos I got you are just begging to be tugged" squeals the Wench.

"Well, if you draw anymore attention to us the Big Mango himself is gonna come gunning for us "

"Don't worry Ticklefinger! I brought the perfect weapon. The Dirty Monkey!"

"Good thinking, Dirty Monkey'll go through "Jade Security" like a dose of salts thru a tall Swede."

"And when Dirty Monkey sees that Roux-Tee-Too-Too, he'll hit him so hard his shirt tail'll fly up his back like a window blind!"

... Meanwhile, Rambreaux watches from the shadows as our heroes approach ...

By Verawench on Saturday, September 01, 2001 - 11:15 pm: Edit

You wanted to play dirty...

By Head_Prosthesis on Saturday, September 01, 2001 - 11:11 pm: Edit

Allright, get out the Hill's...

By Verawench on Saturday, September 01, 2001 - 11:08 pm: Edit

I'll see your anchovies and raise you a shot of Mari Mayans... inhaled!

By Head_Prosthesis on Saturday, September 01, 2001 - 11:04 pm: Edit

I'll take your Cashew Chicken and up you a Mediterranean Pizza "with Anchovies"...

Oh, the gauntlet is cast!

By Verawench on Saturday, September 01, 2001 - 10:58 pm: Edit

The puking was the inevitable outcome of mingling Cashew Chicken with a bottle of Deva. And then going swimming. MSG and anise bedfellows do not make...

And I'd win.

DevaWench

By Head_Prosthesis on Saturday, September 01, 2001 - 10:52 pm: Edit

Hey Don, Does Jade wanna sponsor a drinking match between Vera and I?

I am the GAME!

titter titter

By Head_Prosthesis on Saturday, September 01, 2001 - 10:45 pm: Edit

Ms. Deva

By Head_Prosthesis on Saturday, September 01, 2001 - 10:43 pm: Edit

And then you puke.

By Verawench on Saturday, September 01, 2001 - 10:41 pm: Edit

Of course once we're under the spell of
said "louchess elixir" we'll be quite pliable
and submissive...

Speak for yourself, Headinsky, absinthe makes my talons grow.

By Head_Prosthesis on Saturday, September 01, 2001 - 10:39 pm: Edit

Watch your gates cause us hungry
Absinthe fiends will creepy crawly under
lock and key to drink up your stock.
Of course once we're under the spell of
said "louchess elixir" we'll be quite pliable
and submissive...

Please don't hurt us Hammer!

By Don_Walsh on Saturday, September 01, 2001 - 10:28 pm: Edit

And I mean that as a compliment, silly wabbits.

By Don_Walsh on Saturday, September 01, 2001 - 10:09 pm: Edit

This is tomfoolery.

By Verawench on Saturday, September 01, 2001 - 10:02 pm: Edit

Tee Hee Hee.

But now they know. Oh, and that must be the angry mob at my door as we speak. Drink while you can, my precious Sugarnuts, for tomorrow...

By Head_Prosthesis on Saturday, September 01, 2001 - 09:40 pm: Edit

PRODUCTION STALLED AT BEL

M."Garcon" Roux, Grounds and Facility Chore Boy at Belle Epoch Liqueurs, told reporters today that an unknown person had been rerouting bottling production valves and draining the world's supply of recreated authentic vintage Absinthes away from their bottles.

"Mr. Walsh, he is very pissed off" Roux said, "Eee say, when I catch zat dagnabbit mongrel, I friccasee hees ass!!!"

"Vera," gulps Head_prosthesis "I don't think I can drink (hic) anymore."

"I know it's selfish" says Verawench "But it's just so damned tastey"

By Chevalier on Thursday, August 09, 2001 - 11:52 am: Edit

Don, you're a tease.

By Don_Walsh on Thursday, August 09, 2001 - 09:02 am: Edit

Roux hired as night janitor by Jade Liqueurs. Subject to first getting a Thai work permit. Meanwhile he is working illegally, cleaning out public lavatories and pissoirs in Paris. "Excellent opportunities for advancement," Michel commented. "After six months they will give me a brush."

A more likely headline and text IMHO

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