Wow... Live WWF Smackdown.

Sepulchritude Forum: The Absinthe Forum Thru December 2001: Wow... Live WWF Smackdown.
By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 30, 2001 - 11:34 pm: Edit

Hey Sweetheart, It's been tomorrow for awhile now and I still see "page not available"... tap tap tap...

By Verawench on Thursday, August 30, 2001 - 08:45 pm: Edit

Now that's more like it.

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 30, 2001 - 08:37 pm: Edit

CHECK THE RECORD BABY!!!

By Verawench on Thursday, August 30, 2001 - 08:32 pm: Edit

::cracks whip:

Shouldn't you be hard at work, boy? I'm still waiting.

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 30, 2001 - 07:11 pm: Edit

Cheri My "Wrasslin' Absinthe Buddy",

Yeah I hate when they show baseball and basketball in place of SMACKDOWN... There's no place for ball sports in my home!

Well don't miss it because his carmel buns are shown prominently in the end of his match.

Head_prosthesis

By Cheri on Thursday, August 30, 2001 - 07:04 pm: Edit

I'm pissed. UPN here in Baltimore is airing Smackdown on Saturday instead of tonight because of FOOTBALL. Damn it.. damn it all to hell...I wish to see the Rock's delicious caramel buns!

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 30, 2001 - 07:00 pm: Edit

Huh? ... What? ...

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 30, 2001 - 05:51 pm: Edit

The Rock has come back to the JOE!!!

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 30, 2001 - 05:51 pm: Edit

And guess where it's from...

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 30, 2001 - 05:42 pm: Edit

Guess what's on?

By Tavarua on Monday, August 27, 2001 - 11:32 am: Edit

I don’t mean to keep bringing up the monkeys, I just remembered this “Kids in the Hall” skit, that fits this conversation to a tee. This old guy is sitting in front of this door that is bolted shut and you keep hearing this demented monkey howling, from behind the door. He keeps threatening to release monkeys, that will cause the human race great harm maybe even domination. As he is doing this, the door almost busts off the hinges, mist keeps coming out and the monkey howls get louder and louder. He just keeps repeating the phrase “I am going to release monkeys.” This was fucking hilarious, me describing the skit just doesn’t do it justice. Oh well. I am sure a few people must have seen it. OK, return to “Smackdown.”

By Mr_Rabbit on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 10:52 pm: Edit

So there were like these research scientists, see, and they were teaching these Bonobo chimpanzees sign language, right? They are nicer and smarter than the kind you usually see as comedy relief on TV. But anyway they ran out of money, these egghead scientists, so they had to let the chimps go.

"We're sorry, Bobo, but due to budget cuts, you are fired." Signing: 'Bobo sad. Bobo get severance package? Few banannas till Bobo find another primate study, maybe?'

So these chimps are kicked out into the wild, with many a sign of 'scared' and 'sad' and 'up yours too pal' and about five years later these scientists are out in the jungle, and they see these bonobo chimps. Not the ones they released, none of those are with this band.

But this band, they start signing at each other. In a debased, pidgin form of the signing the scientists had themselves taught to the chimps.

The chimps were also found attempting to destroy logging equipment.

Now- this sounds like a 'this one time at band camp' story, but it isn't. It's freaking true.

When your monkey overlords let you have a drink, remember this warning, and cry in your beer the bitter tears of 'he told us so.'

Cause I told you so.

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 10:08 pm: Edit

But of course Blackjack,


You already knew.

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 10:06 pm: Edit

I was more concerned with the Crows.

There is no hysteria. They said if you weren't very young or very old it was relatively harmless.

By _Blackjack on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 10:04 pm: Edit

I don't get the West Nile hysteria. It has killed, what, ONE already sick old guy in the US. Hell, I kill more sick old guys than that on my way to work...

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 07:13 pm: Edit

West Nile Virus disease has been found in two dead Michigan crows.

And to top off the whole "animal vs. man" topic. Some scumbag shot a minature pinscher with a shot gun. The dog is in Hospital with shot in it's body, lost an eye, a leg and stitches from stem to stern.

I'll take an ape throwing stones or shit at me and baring his fangs any day before I live next door to a fucker like the dog shooter. Who unfortunately, most likely, was watching SMACKDOWN.

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 06:16 pm: Edit

NO! NO!!! Leave the crows alone!!!

By Anatomist1 on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 06:12 pm: Edit

I forgot to mention that the multitudes of bears would be controlled by the malevolent psychic awareness of a nameless Dark Lord residing deep within a mountain stronghold in the Yukon... aw hell, lets give him all the squirrels and the crows too to make it really interesting.

K.

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 05:51 pm: Edit

"WHO BETTER THAN CANYON?"

Hmmm? Let's see. The guy across the street at the gas station. The driver that brought the freight in today. The drunk at the bar downstairs hitting on every woman walking into the bar.

By Zack on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 05:39 pm: Edit

"If you took, for instance, 4.5 million angry grizzly bears and released them in Wisconsin, disbursed relative to the human population, would the humans win?"

There are Texans who dream of something like that happening. You would have about 15 million Texans with 35 million guns making their way up (what will later be named) the Bud Light Trail to Wisconsin. 15 million Texans, only 4.5 million grizzly heads to hang on the walls? It's like the lotto, with more winners.

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 05:03 pm: Edit

Shut up and watch the show

By Chevalier on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 05:00 pm: Edit

"SMACKDOWN WOOO!!!"

We're back to where we started.

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 04:56 pm: Edit

"Fine: we'll let the bears live."

FUCK THAT!!! I say Pre-emptive strike on ALL those motherfuckers. Say hello to FAUNAGEDAN.

YEAH!!! WOOOAHHHHH!!! SMACKDOWN WOOO!!! (raises 40oz over head pours on self while playing "FRED BEAR" at top volume, beating chest and jumping up and down on bed)

By Chevalier on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 04:35 pm: Edit

Fine: we'll let the bears live. Meanwhile, I will follow Blackjack's advice and live peaceably among the gentle creatures known as "tings".

By _Blackjack on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 04:30 pm: Edit

You are, among other tings, assuming that the immediate reaction of these bears would be to attack humans when, in all likelyhood, they would look for easier food and, at that population density, fight amongst themselves. Humans, on the other hand, would immediately start organizing to kill or control the bears.

By Chevalier on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 04:25 pm: Edit

Absinthe is fun!

(Just had to remind myself that this isn't the PLANET OF THE APES Discussion Forum.)

By Chevalier on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 04:17 pm: Edit

Ready when you are, Major Goblin. Should we mention that the vegetarian Hitler had his dog, Blondi, poisoned? Bunker life -- it can make you crazy.

By Lordhobgoblin on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 04:09 pm: Edit

4.5 million grizzly bears against 4.5 million humans. Even with guns and mobile phones etc. I'd be straight down to the betting shop and place a month's wages on the bears (but bookies being astute sorts I reckon they'd only give me odds of 2 to 5 at best).

Meanwhile when SW1 starts I'll be ready along with comrades Chevalier, Tavarua and Heiko. I suspect though from some comments posted that some forumites are already working for the apes, spreading pro-simeon propaganda. Remember folks, Hitler was a vegetarian and we didn't see him forming a peace and love movement.

Hobgoblin

By Chevalier on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 02:16 pm: Edit

I knew a guy who was one of those Polish cavalrymen. Let's just say that World War II was not his best time of life ...

By Dr_Ordinaire on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 02:07 pm: Edit

"If you took, for instance, 4.5 million angry grizzly bears and released them in Wisconsin, disbursed relative to the human population, would the humans win?"

Anatomist, I'm afraid you are using the "Polish Cavalry General" line of reasoning, as in:

"The Germans have a hundred tanks? HA! We have over ten thousand mounted men... "

The only problematic questions would be: a) does bear meat taste good and, if a) is a yes, b) do we have enough freezers in the state?

By Heiko on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 02:03 pm: Edit

My dictionary translates both, 'ape' and 'monkey' to 'Affe' in German (we have other more specialized words for subgroups of that species, usually being compound words with 'affe' in it.)

By _Blackjack on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 01:41 pm: Edit


Quote:

would the humans win?



They would NOW, only because they'd be able to organize, call in the national guard, etc. The initial causalties would be high, but once people fled to more secure locations, got on their cell phones, and started leaving out poisoned pic-i-nic baskets, the odds would even out.

And, while I am probably guilty of calling apes, monkeys, I do so out of whimsey, not a failure to distinguish them.

Chimps do eat meat, and they place a fair amount of social value on it, which is also seen in many hunter-gatherer societies. I don't think gorillas do, tho they could, anatomically. Their usual diet of leaves is so hard to digest that they pretty much have to spend all day eating to get enough nutrients. As for monkeys, I have no doubt that baboons eat meat, tho probably more as scavengers than predators, but I don't know about others. The probably munch on insects, at least.

By Anatomist1 on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 01:17 pm: Edit

BTW y'all. Gorillas and chimps are not monkeys.

By Anatomist1 on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 12:47 pm: Edit

I think BJ is right about the numbers issue when it comes to humans vs. other mammals. If you took, for instance, 4.5 million angry grizzly bears and released them in Wisconsin, disbursed relative to the human population, would the humans win?

Heiko,

I know gorillas and baboons have heirarchical domination things going on, but for some reason they've never seemed to get the hang of world domination the way humans and canine species have. Maybe it's the climate thing.

K.

By Tavarua on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 12:32 pm: Edit

A little clarity on the monkey issue. Some monkeys do actually eat meat. It is documented that chimps, once in a great while, actually form hunting parties, capture smaller monkeys, and eat them. It does not happen that often, but does happen. Not to mention, they resort to carnivorous activities on a daily basis, as they eat grubs, and various other insects.

Lord:

Don’t forget the beatings and demoralizing speeches, I cannot stress this enough.

By Heiko on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 12:32 pm: Edit

circle closed!

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 12:30 pm: Edit

And if you want to see Gorilla Males in action, tune in tonight to SMACKDOWN on UPN.

By Heiko on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 12:19 pm: Edit

"they don't exhibit the kind of social structures that lead to global domination."

As I've just seen a documentary on gorillas and their social structures, I must jump in:

The documentary showed that the gorilla males only have one aim: be the strongest, control the group. For that aim they make friends with others first, later dump them. A younger male will even wake the leader to show him that some other male is having sex with one of the females. For that glorious deed he will be protected by the leader from now on - until he sees a chance to become the alpha himself.

That somehow reminded me strongly of some other species...
Just give Gorillas the insight to make and handle weapons and there we go!

By Chevalier on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 11:55 am: Edit

Brilliant, Lord H.!

You're on my team when Simian War One (SWI) begins!

By Lordhobgoblin on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 11:07 am: Edit

"Seriously, monkeys will never dominate the world because they are mostly peaceful plant-eaters..."

Don't fucking bet on it. They may be mostly plant eaters but they've got big sharp teeth, a hell of a lot bigger than our 'canine' teeth. I had these shown to me by a plant-eating rhesus monkey 6 inches away from my face, enough to make Count Dracula jealous.

Look at India, a nation of plant eaters but that still doesn't stop them having nuclear weapons. The meat-eating Pakistanis take their vegetarian neighbours seriously enough.

Plant-eaters can be as vicious as meat-eaters. When they've killed you you'll not be to bothered whether they eat you or not (although it would probably help the environment if they did).

Don't let their plant-eating ways lull you into a false sense of security. Don't underestimate monkeys, they attack our armed forces (who need to call for backup troops to rescu them), they mug people for their Rolex watches, they vandalise cars and they will happily commit more serious felonies such as murder, rape and kidnap if given half a chance. It's only by us keeping them locked up under armed guard, or confined to remote uninhabited regions that we can contain the problem.

Hobgoblin

By Anatomist1 on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 09:48 am: Edit

Even with guns you might find it harder than you think to kill a few wolves in the wild. I'll have to concede the poison angle though.

I don't see cockroaches as a threat to humans. Of course, they'll last longer, but so will rats. Bacteria came before and will last longer than us all, if long-term prosperity is the issue.

K.

By _Blackjack on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 09:26 am: Edit

Well, humans cheated. Five hungry wolves vs. five hungry people might have been a fair fight, but humans settled and invented agriculture, so it became 500 well-fed humans against 5 hungry wolves...

By Cheri on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 08:59 am: Edit

Alright, if you wanna see a battle for survival, put 5 teenage girls in a small house, with one bathroom and one blowdryer.

By Wolfgang on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 08:39 am: Edit

Cockroach were so well adapted from the beginning that they almost didn`t need to evolve to survive. I`m also pretty sure that the last living being on earth (beside bacteria and virus) will be an insect.

But that`s just my opinion...

By Wolfgang on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 08:30 am: Edit

Anatomist:

Wolf against men...

It's like saying let`s put 5 wolves (with teeth and claws removed) against 5 mens (naked and unarmed).

In a normal setting, the wolf would have to fight with teeth and claws against humans with knives, arrows, swords, poison, guns, traps, tanks, grenades, or whatever crazy tools we can imagine to destroye any living being.

Sorry, we`r on top, no matter what.(And of course that comes with some responsibilities...but I digress).

By Artemis on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 07:56 am: Edit

"Put five hungry humans up against five hungry wolves in the wild, and we all know what would happen"

It DID happen. Wolves are almost extinct. Humans live long and prosper.

Roaches have a far better chance at prevailing over man than wolves or any other mammal ever did.

By Petermarc on Thursday, August 23, 2001 - 01:50 am: Edit

damn them!...damn them all to hell!

By Anatomist1 on Wednesday, August 22, 2001 - 05:24 pm: Edit

Seriously, monkeys will never dominate the world because they are mostly peaceful plant-eaters, and, despite their complex brains, they don't exhibit the kind of social structures that lead to global domination. You might want to keep your eye on chimps, but before we neotonous swelled-heads came on the scene, canines ruled the earth for many millenia... for the same reason we get along with them so well: flexibility and ordered, hierarchical social relations. A pack of hyenas or wild wolves can kill just about anything if they get hungry enough, and if there's nothing to kill, they can live on mice or carrion or garbage. We one-upped them for a very brief stint of evolutionary time. Chimps might be able to pull the same trick, given a few million years or so, but if we poison or murder ourselves out of existence, look for canids to take up the mantle. Anyone who has tried to train a stubborn dog knows that keeping an alert canid in its place is like walking a razor's edge. Their relative deficeit in abstract thinking, is more than made up for by vigilance, attentiveness, and the power of uncomplicated, unadorned desire. Put five hungry humans up against five hungry wolves in the wild, and we all know what would happen....

K.

By Morriganlefey on Wednesday, August 22, 2001 - 12:41 pm: Edit

This thread is humourously bizarre. It's degenerated (or perhaps evolved?) from pro-wrestling, to french terms of endearment, to feces-flinging, animal world-domination, and now the Monkey Apocalypse. My kinda people.

- M

By Tavarua on Wednesday, August 22, 2001 - 11:31 am: Edit

Dogs eh,

That’s a good question and one that has been addressed in the past. Dogs are not a direct threat, they have no opposable thumbs. However, they will side with the monkeys in their conquest for power, as they will lose all respect for their human masters upon our demise, to a bunch of monkeys. There is a way to combat this though. As you are spanking your monkey, refer to my earlier posting, have them observe. They will “assume” we are the more powerful species and from that point on, share any information that they have about the monkey apocalypse.

Chinchillas,

I surely hope not, I would feel bad about beating a chinchilla. They’re tiny. I can only imagine this behavior is acquired by watching their master. I am not telling you how to run your life Morrigan, but peeing on your enemies, come on, that’s just not right. ;-)

By Morriganlefey on Wednesday, August 22, 2001 - 10:21 am: Edit

I used to have a Chinchilla that would projectile pee on anyone he felt threatened by / annoyed with. He had uncanny aim and remarkable velocity & volume for such a small creature. Was he also trying to take over the world??

- M

By Blygdon on Wednesday, August 22, 2001 - 09:53 am: Edit

Funny Tavarua. Dogs tend to forcibly kick their feces with their hind legs after doing the circle dance. Does that mean they're capable of overtaking the world? Imagine that.

I've got a rule about pets - they can't take a bigger shit than me. Or is that be bigger shit? I forget.

By Tavarua on Wednesday, August 22, 2001 - 09:07 am: Edit

I have only one rule in choosing a pet. If it has the ability to sling it’s own feces for amusement or out of anger, it is only a short span away evolving into a species capable of overthrowing our meager civilization, and will most likely make a lousy pet.

My suggestion, get one, keep it in a cage and repeatedly beat it while repeating something along of the lines of “try to take over the world and enslave me will ya.” That should keep them in line for a while.

By Lordhobgoblin on Wednesday, August 22, 2001 - 08:04 am: Edit

Morrigan,

I didn't sign anything but there was a clear notice posted warning of possible consequences and that they hold no responsibility. But having been to a different one before in the past which had baboons, and most of the time they just seemed to lie around under a big tree, I thought that car damage would be the exception rather than the rule. Rhesus monkeys however proved a lot livelier than baboons.

At the same safari park a few months before some rich woman was dumb enough to open her window and try to feed the Rhesus monkeys by hand. One monkey then spotted the very expensive gold watch with diamonds on her wrist and thought "I'll have that". He quickly undid the catch, grabbed the watch and took off. The watch was never seen again and as there are signs every 20 yards saying keep your windows closed the Safari Park were not liable. This incident did make me smile.

I take your point about safari parks but they're a hell of a lot better than zoos. At least the animals have enclosure of several acres in size (as opposed to a few hundred square yards if they're lucky in even the best zoos) with plenty of trees and enough companions to form something vaguely resembling proper social groups. However the speed at which some drivers drove through (ignoring the 5mph limit) did anger me, especially with a lot of small monkeys about. Not a problem with the large cats and wolves etc as they tend to keep well back from the roads.

Hobgoblin

By _Blackjack on Tuesday, August 21, 2001 - 09:26 pm: Edit

A pet monkey is essentially like having an autistic, hperactive child who is eternally 2-years-old, with the agility of an olympic gymnast and giant canine teeth.

Chimps are worse, because you add to the above the fact that they can rip your arm out of your socket and beat you to death with it.

As far as training goes, well, imagine what a cat would be like if it had semi-opposable thumbs and super-strength...

By Anatomist1 on Tuesday, August 21, 2001 - 06:19 pm: Edit

By most accounts, monkeys make terrible pets. So far, I think humans haven't proved smart enough to train them well... at least not the one's who think monkeys make good pets. Besides, I saw a movie once where people kept lots of trained apes in jumpsuits, then one of them started to talk and all hell broke loose. Things didn't turn out well for the humans at all.

K.

By Chevalier on Tuesday, August 21, 2001 - 04:37 pm: Edit

Being spanked.

By Head_Prosthesis on Tuesday, August 21, 2001 - 04:30 pm: Edit

On your back.

By Pataphysician on Tuesday, August 21, 2001 - 08:59 am: Edit

Recently, my 10 year old son told me that as soon as he turned 18 he was going to get an apartment with his best friend and get a pet monkey. I remembered that that was exactly the future I had planned for myself when I was his age. Looking back over my life with its unexpected turns, and unfulfilled dreams, I had to wonder:

"WHERE'S MY MONKEY??!!"

By Artemis on Monday, August 20, 2001 - 05:59 pm: Edit

"God, schmod! I want my monkey-man!"

I like it when Bart tells Homer that he asked the Sunday School teacher if monkeys go to heaven.

Homer: "What did she say?"

Bart: "Nope!"

Homer: WHAT!!?? Event the cute ones who live among us, and roller skate, and smoke cigars???"

By Chevalier on Monday, August 20, 2001 - 04:48 pm: Edit

Monkey-man par excellence: Nimdok in Harlan Ellison's short story, "I HAVE NO MOUTH, AND I MUST SCREAM".

By _Blackjack on Monday, August 20, 2001 - 04:39 pm: Edit

God, schmod! I want my monkey-man!

By Head_Prosthesis on Monday, August 20, 2001 - 04:26 pm: Edit

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... those Dirty Monkeys!!!

By Chevalier on Monday, August 20, 2001 - 02:53 pm: Edit

PLANET OF THE APES: THE PREQUEL.

Scene One: Lord H and car, driving unawares through Longleat Safari Park ...

By Morriganlefey on Monday, August 20, 2001 - 12:09 pm: Edit

Lord H - They're supposed to post warnings at those drive-thru Safari things that the monkeys can damage your vehicle, and you usually have to sign a damage waiver before entering (did you?)

Not to defend the little critters' actions or anything, but many of those drive-thru "wild animal safaris" are cruel, dirty & inhumane, and sometimes stocked with animals obtained through less-than-legal importation methods. I might also pound on windshields in frustration if I were snatched from my lovely rainforest home and smacked into the middle of a dusty car-exhaust-filled theme park too.

I'll get off my soapbox now, but I wouldn't patronize them with visits if I were you...

- M

By Lordhobgoblin on Monday, August 20, 2001 - 11:35 am: Edit

Monkeys are bastards!

Last week I visited Longleat Safari Park in Hampshire. The fucking Rhesus monkeys ambushed my car and started ripping bits off it, they got away with an aerial, a windscreen wiper and most annoyingly the nozzle and hose of my rearscreen window washer. They almost had the front windscreen off. All I could do was bang the windscreen at them and blow the horn in vain, and then all they'd do was bang the windscreen in anger back at you, press their faces up to the glass and show their teeth, enough to dispel any notions of going outside and chasing them.

Monkeys are definitely not cute.

Hobgoblin

By Morriganlefey on Monday, August 20, 2001 - 11:08 am: Edit

To augment Artemis' monkeys throwin' stuff story -

My sister & friends went to the San Francisco zoo last summer and were watching the zany gorillas cavorting. One, it seemed, had a peculiar habit of repeatedly pooping into his own hand, investigating the poop, and tossing it aside. Her group was loudly laughing and pointing at this one, when he suddenly seemed to notice he was the butt (har har) of their joking & pointing.
He promptly loaded up another poop-pie into his hand, and launched it with dead-on aim directly at my sister, who had little time to turn and run before it hit her squarely on the back.

Bravo, monkey-man, show 'em who's boss!!

- B

By Joshua on Monday, August 20, 2001 - 10:30 am: Edit

[IMG]http://www.plauder-smilies.de/tiere/jigga.gif[/IMG] gotta love monkeys,i wonder what it is about monkeys that is so darn irresistable?

By Artemis on Monday, August 20, 2001 - 10:17 am: Edit

A friend of mine (who has many monkey stories) was stationed with the U.S. Air Force in Africa. His job required him to spend a lot of time in the air, usually on a C-130, I believe.

One day his aircraft got a distress call from a crew stationed in a tin shack (communications site of some type) on a hill top.

The guys in the shack had decided to amuse themselves by throwing rocks at a passing troop of baboons. What they found out, according to my friend, is that "baboons can throw a rock with as good accuracy as a human, and a damned sight harder". The guys in the shack needed to be rescued because the baboons were about to knock it down under a barrage of rocks.

Let the ape without sin cast the first stone.

My buddy also has a monkey story about one who liked to drop on people from above the doorway where he liked to perch and fuck them in the ear, but I'll let him tell that one if any of you should be so lucky as to meet him. Funniest guy I've ever known - he's been through a lot of strange but true stuff.

By Chevalier on Sunday, August 19, 2001 - 07:25 pm: Edit

The Chileans say: "As fun as a monkey's birthday party."

By Perruche_Verte on Sunday, August 19, 2001 - 07:06 pm: Edit

If I were less scrupulous and I lived in North Africa, I might sedate a few purple-assed baboons, barrel them up and express-mail them to someone I didn't like very much.

Maybe that's what the "fun" is supposed to be.

By _Blackjack on Sunday, August 19, 2001 - 03:35 pm: Edit

Baboons is all teeths and asses.

By Anatomist1 on Sunday, August 19, 2001 - 02:59 pm: Edit

If you tried to put a live baboon in a barrel, you'd look like someone ran you through a mulching machine before you knew what happened.

By Perruche_Verte on Sunday, August 19, 2001 - 02:08 pm: Edit

If a barrel of monkeys would be fun, how about a barrel of baboons? Purple-assed baboons, as Uncle
Bill would have it...

http://www.pugzine.com/pug2/laid-5.html

By Head_Prosthesis on Sunday, August 19, 2001 - 12:06 pm: Edit

I'll start by freeing our monkey brothers and sisters from UofM and Pfizer. Folks on Green Road out for a Sunday drive to pick up Gruyère and Chateau Blanc will be attacked by raging Viagra Monkeys lead by General Dirtius Monkius.

It'll be the X-rated "Planet of the Apes"
APEPOCALYPSE NOW!!!

By Anatomist1 on Sunday, August 19, 2001 - 11:01 am: Edit

That's how it starts. Soon you'll be thinking about it more and more. You'll start talking about it with everyone you know... perhaps even accosting strangers on the street to help you puzzle through your obsessive conundrum. Then it will be late nights at the drafting table designing a 50hp motorized monkey-barrel-stuffing machine capable of inserting 350 monkeys-per-second (mps) when you red-line it. Then, once you have a prototype built, you'll start casing the local primate research center, and join PETA, calling ever more stringently for the release of those poor monkeys. Yeah, that's it, we gotta RELEASE them from the clutches of those evil scientists. Once, we've got 'em out, we'll keep 'em in my GARAGE, for a while, yes.

By Lordhobgoblin on Sunday, August 19, 2001 - 09:52 am: Edit

I think it was about 12 months ago, for some reason it stuck in my mind.

By Anatomist1 on Sunday, August 19, 2001 - 09:29 am: Edit

Yeah, I coulda swore I said something like that before, but I couldn't find it on the search function..

By Anatomist1 on Sunday, August 19, 2001 - 09:28 am: Edit

Yeah, I coulda swore I said something like that before, but I couldn't find it on the search function.

By Lordhobgoblin on Sunday, August 19, 2001 - 03:12 am: Edit

I get a strong sense of deja vu with the comments on a barrel full of monkeys being fun. It's obviously something you feel very strongly about.

By Zack on Saturday, August 18, 2001 - 05:42 pm: Edit

That's why I prefer the expression "barrel full of dead babies." Talk about entertainment...

By Anatomist1 on Saturday, August 18, 2001 - 04:37 pm: Edit

Speaking of monkeys, has anyone ever figured out why a barrel full of them is supposed to be so much fun? I don't see how you could get more than about two in one barrel without horrific caterwauling and bloodshed... unless of course, they mean dead monkeys. Would a barrel full of dead monkeys be fun? Of course, you could anesthetize the monkeys before you put them in the barrel, but I think they'd panic and start biting and clawing each other to death when they woke up. Some of them would surely suffocate, and the ones at the bottom might even drown in blood. Weeeee!!!

By Anatomist1 on Saturday, August 18, 2001 - 04:11 pm: Edit

I tried to watch one of the famous Jacques Tati films once. I kept waiting for the humorous parts to start up. About an hour into it, I decided that evidently many of them had already passed without eliciting so much as a grin from me. So I quit watching and vowed to pay less attention to film geeks in the future.

K.

By Artemis on Saturday, August 18, 2001 - 03:14 pm: Edit

"Okay, now lemme know..is "mon petit chou" a term of endearment"

Yes it is, but only to somebody with a sense of humor. Just as "Mon Negre" (my nigger) is a term of endearment for Cajuns.

"or was my french teacher merely messing with us..."

Also yes, is my guess.

By Cheri on Saturday, August 18, 2001 - 02:50 pm: Edit

Okay, now lemme know..is "mon petit chou" a term of endearment or was my french teacher merely messing with us...

By Artemis on Saturday, August 18, 2001 - 12:32 pm: Edit

My father was fond of dropping the word "chouette" into an otherwise English sentence, with a stupid grin on his face. It used to sort of piss me off at the time. Sometimes he would even make up a little song including a "choeutte". I didn't like that, either.

I'm too soon old and too late smart.

By Petermarc on Saturday, August 18, 2001 - 09:44 am: Edit

chouette=cool=baby owl...you gotta love it...
baby owl, dude...

By Artemis on Saturday, August 18, 2001 - 09:31 am: Edit

Are you talking about when I told you that if a joke so much as includes a monkey, I start laughing immediately?

I should have posted this in that thread about people speaking different languages reacting to humor differently, but anyway:

There is a wonderful French movie called "Les Visiteurs". Funny as hell. I've read somewhere that it's regarded in France as the funniest French movie ever made (I don't want to hear about Jerry Lewis, please). It was recently remade as an American movie and apparently bombed.

Anyway, there's a scene in the movie where a car out in the parking lot of a castle/hotel explodes outward, up through the roof of the car. A woman looking out the window of the castle remarks that the car now looks like a chou-fleur (cauliflower). Now, it doesn't literally look like a cauliflower, and it wouldn't seem that there's anything funny about that, but I laughed my ass off, and I bet the French audiences did too. There's something about the SOUND of chou-fleur (pronounced shoo flur) that just gets people with a French sensibility toward humor laughing. I can remember when I was a child in Louisiana, and all the adults spoke French. If they were sitting around the table joking, and anybody said "chou-fleur" everybody would laugh like hell.

Cauliflowers, monkeys, mullets. Where would we be without them?

By Head_Prosthesis on Saturday, August 18, 2001 - 02:34 am: Edit

Joshua, I agree. The Rock has THE MOST ELECTRIFYING CATCH PHRASES in WWF dialogue. Plus we love the Monkey comments, right Artemis?

Stonecold and his WHAT? every other word was cracking me up. That's WHAT? some funny fucking WHAT? shit. WHAT???

By Head_Prosthesis on Saturday, August 18, 2001 - 02:29 am: Edit

I think Stephanie has had the hydraulic breasts installed because one week they're up high and handy and the next they're hanging down around her knees or flat and floppy as Dorrito titties.

By Cheri on Friday, August 17, 2001 - 10:52 am: Edit

I think Stephanie kinda overdid the Hooter job..

By Joshua on Friday, August 17, 2001 - 09:04 am: Edit

the rock has the best catch phrases,"candy ass"jabroni""go suck a monkeys nipple,what are ya waiting for,go find a monkey jabroni",and the classic,"your ten pounds o monkey crap,in a five pund sack".i really mis eddie guerros mullet,twas a fantistic example of the species.

By Cheri on Friday, August 17, 2001 - 04:14 am: Edit

I LOOOOOVE The Rock's DELICIOUS CARAMEL BUNS...!

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 10:34 pm: Edit

You're welcome.

By Verawench on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 10:22 pm: Edit

Planted in a fake leather womb of a chair from Office Depot and getting the blue glow facial. Some Indian guy with the erudition of Bernard Shaw on crack is yapping at me through Yahoo Messenger and I respond in single syllables.

Yapping and noise is all I hear, the TV, the pute, the parental units, the friends, the neighbors, the telemarketers, the radio.

Head, you're endlessly capable of tugging the corners of my lips upward with only a word or two. I thank thee.

Sometime soon I want to wake up again at dawn still cozily drunk on Spanish swill; and find myself in my own bed, under my opaque white canopy; and breathe in cloves, wormwood and anise in the stale air; and put on my ancient Peter Murphy t shirt (the one with the whole where his eye should be); and go swimming in the pool before the sun rises; and breathe in the silence and watch the boughs that flank the sky.

That was a very good moment.

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 08:56 pm: Edit

I'm there babe. I'm there.

By Verawench on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 08:29 pm: Edit

I have this craving for cheap beer and jelly beans and dirty sweatpants...

By Zeemanb on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 07:07 pm: Edit

I'm already hating this new Stone Cold thing where....

WHAT?

He says WHAT every third word or so.

Summerslam.........another 30 bucks that could have been spent on 3.2 beer and whipits. I can't wait!

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 06:59 pm: Edit

The Spinerooni... What a ridiculous display.

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 06:32 pm: Edit

You Happy little M Manson fans will be giddy to know that tonight's episode has for it's theme The Beautiful People.

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 05:52 pm: Edit

What a beautiful new stage. Reminds me of a whiter Joe Louis fist.

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 05:46 pm: Edit

Live augmented titties! Gotta love 'em.

Wow Stone Cold Steve Austin whipping Taz with a belt... How very Homo-Sado-Erotic. It makes me feel kinda' tingly.

By Artemis on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 05:32 pm: Edit

Did you get that package, or what?

You waxeth drunkid.

By Head_Prosthesis on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 05:06 pm: Edit

Uncensored, unedited, honest to goodness entertainment. Life is good.
You GO! ROCK!!! layeth the smacketh down on Booker's Spinerooni Candy Ass!!!

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