This is nothing to be embarassed about...

Sepulchritude Forum: The Absinthe Forum Archive Thru March 2002: Archive thru January 2002:This is nothing to be embarassed about...
By Larsbogart on Wednesday, January 16, 2002 - 06:47 am: Edit

after receiving some very terrifying death threats to both myself and my animals, due to my "outing" of pashtun bin laden and his ashna Torjan, i have been advised by the united states government to go into hiding.
perhaps after the war on terrorism has been won it will be safe for me to return to my "normal" life. until then, i am forced to remain invisible.
larsbogart

By Larsbogart on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 08:05 pm: Edit

apparently the pantyhose found in the abandoned cave have tested positive for DNA belonging to osama bin laden. also found were 2 audrey hepburn tank tops and a scribbled note which said: "play nice girls!" secretary of state donald rumsfeld denied comment that a shredded audrey hepburn tank top was found near his washington condominium and had been dragged from his garbage by fifi his toy poodle.

By Verawench on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 07:55 pm: Edit

I guess John Walker got thrown out of the cave when he started growing pubic hair

By Larsbogart on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 07:50 pm: Edit

the owner of the ferragamo sandal has been identified. [the e bay auction has not been cancelled and the bidding prices are spinning faster than the rooms in the white house]. the sandal had belonged to the "ashna" of osama bin laden Torjan, and was a gift from "pashtun" bin laden to his beloved. there is no truth to the rumor of an accompaning pair of pantyhose.

By Tavarua on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 07:45 pm: Edit

As unbelievable as it sounds, it is the truth. This is what the local news man said about the immediate aftermath of the incident:

"The pretzal was immediately wrestled to the ground and taken into custody. The dip was questioned, but as of yet is not considered a suspect. Some people are prescribing to a 'second chip', but this appears to be an unsubstantiated conspiracy theory."

By Verawench on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 07:34 pm: Edit

I ought to point out, the sandal was hand-woven camel hair. OBL only wears Prada sandals.

By Larsbogart on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 07:29 pm: Edit

while the president lay unconscious, osama bin laden took the opportunity to make his escape from afghanistan. as of sunday, nobody knows where he is, or what he is wearing. a sandal was found in an abandoned cave, but it is a ferragamo size 10 1/2 and unlikely belonged to anyone who is fighting in the war on terrorism. it is for sale on e bay however.

By Larsbogart on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 04:54 pm: Edit

fellow males and females [chose one for yourself]:
i regret to be the one to let the cat out of the bag, but feel a certain obligation to the absinthe forum to share this with you all first. please take a moment and cease the name calling, sniping, and cheap shots for a little sympathy for the president. some of you might already have had your suspicions, but my sources have informed me that the "fall" taken by president bush last sunday was a fall off the wagon.
im sure plenty of you have also used the "i choked on a pretzel" excuse after regaining consciousness due to excessive drinking. no big deal, as its usually finished with "because i was so drunk i forgot to swallow".
our fearless leader "fell" prey to a boring sunday afternoon in front of the television watching football...drinking alone. the absence of the gang is no surprise to some, nor is the extent of the bruises received from hitting the cement floor of the white house from a sitting position.
im sure you can join me in assuring the president this is nothing to be embarassed about. it happens to the best of us, republican, democrat, rich, poor, black, white, texan and american.
you may resume your normal behavior.
larsbogart

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