Rant Like Don Contest, Judged by Marc:

Sepulchritude Forum: The Absinthe Forum Archive Thru March 2002: Archive thru March 2002:Rant Like Don Contest, Judged by Marc:
By Sicboy13 on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 08:11 am: Edit

MY GOD! I think your right, thank you. I am burning all my rock-n-roll albums as we speak! DEVIL-MUSIC!(Tee Hee);-)>

By Marccampbell on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 02:59 pm: Edit

sicboy is slightly brain-addled from listening to
all those Social Distortion albums.

By Baz on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 01:48 pm: Edit

Not by my standards. Don's rants had substance, wit, and venom. Yada yada is as close to Don's rage as saturn is to the moon...

By Sicboy13 on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 12:57 pm: Edit

so I win?

By Baz on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 12:56 pm: Edit

OK, now that was boring.

By Sicboy13 on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 12:46 pm: Edit

yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada
yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada
yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada
yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada

By Joalco on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 08:26 pm: Edit

Sounds like a hell of a read, Marc, and *definitely* much better than some of the petty bickering we've all been party to as of late.

Unfortunately my "sarcasm sensors" don't always work online...

And to all of youse guys here, those who came before us, and those who aren't with us now, let's all raise a glass, sip a drink, chill out a bit, and remember what drew us here in the first place.



By Marccampbell on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 07:36 pm: Edit


I was asked to judge the posts in this thread.
And my judgement is/was that they are boring.

"so, fuck off asshole"
was my entry in the contest. too bad you and joalco didn't get it.

Don is a friend of mine, both on and off this board, but that doesn't mean I would or have defended him blindly. As anyone who has spent anytime here knows, Don and I have had some serious dustups. I use to compare Don to a WWF wrestler.
I think alot of his rants are theatrical and amusing. Obviously he has had a major impact on this board. He's been gone over a week now and we're still talking about him. As for me, I've had enough of the subject. When Don gets back, if he does, I'm sure he'll throw in his 2 cents...and I'm sure it will both amuse and infuriate.


I'm glad you got a kick out of my sexual confessions. I'm editing them and will be posting them on my website. They're just a portion of a longer work called "44 WOMEN"; the meoirs of a hardrinking rock and roller and his travels thru the late 60s, 70s and 80s. Its filled with sex, drugs and music.

By Louched_Liver on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 06:44 pm: Edit

Tee hee!

By Mr_Rabid on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 06:38 pm: Edit


Here we are in a thread making us laugh about ranting and vitriol, and suddenly genuine ranting and vitriol.

It's like a zen koan.

By Alphasoixante on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 06:30 pm: Edit

"So, fuck off asshole."

d'oh. i should follow my own instructions. i forgot to send that post in for approval. oh, and i forgot to send this one in too. maybe next time.

"I'm a champion of free speech"

i know that, silly. the key word is "approval", not "permission". sorry to mislead. i'll clarify.

note to previous message: mr.campbell does not endorse censorship. posts that do not meet with mr.campbell's approval may still, at the poster's discretion, be sent to the forum. we do however recommend that unapproved posters preface their messages with the warning: 'the following message has not met mr. campbell's standards of excellence'. this will save mr.campbell the trouble of following up with a post informing us of his opinion as to your post's level of boringness, suckiness, or mediocrity. it is also recommended that unapproved posters wear yellow armbands while frequenting the forum for ease of identification, although this is not a requirement. we thank you for your cooperation.

By Rowl on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 06:08 pm: Edit

I can't take credit for the following rant as it was posted by someone else to one of the Red Hat lists in response to someone who was being a real troll (apologies to whoever you are as I can't remember your name but I was so impressed with this that I saved it). I thought I'd share it with you all as I found it very amusing. As rants go parts of this one rise to the level of art. I particularly like "I feel debased just for knowing you exist." :-)

"You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly. You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative post was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you."

By Joalco on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 04:56 pm: Edit

Does filthy speech have to be boring, pedantic, sycophantic playground putdowns?

You were much more amusing when you were regaling us with tales of not-approved-by-the-American-Family-Association sexual debauchery...

Don't reduce yourself to an angry pygmy doppleganger of our enraged forumite compadres.

If we all wanted to be pointlessly nasty, we could (trust me on this one), but why not do something *constructive*?

By Marccampbell on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 04:04 pm: Edit


you obviously no nothing of my history here in the
the forum. I'm a champion of free speech...even when its boring. Of course, my preference is for filthy speech. So, fuck off asshole.

By Alphasoixante on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 03:18 pm: Edit

please send all posts to mr.campbell to obtain approval before posting to forum.

By Chevalier on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 12:52 pm: Edit

Go zip your zipper in the Zeider Zee.

By Head_Prosthesis on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 12:20 pm: Edit

Sorry, they can't all be diamonds.

By Marccampbell on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 12:17 pm: Edit

In my judgement, this thread sucks.

By Etienne on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 05:34 am: Edit

This entire thread is Bullshit.

By Robman on Monday, March 18, 2002 - 11:15 pm: Edit

Great. Now we are treated to more inane rantings from another non-entity. Look, you are nothing to this board. You bring nothing to the conversation, and would not be missed if you just silently sulked away with your tail between your legs to find someone else to give you the kind of attention you so obviously crave. Here you go on about what true absinthe should taste like, yet your entirety of experience consists of choking down Hill's at a British Pub and paying ungodly prices from someone who doesn't even deserve to taste my recipe. How in the world would you know what absinthe should taste like? I am the final authority on the subject. Everyone here knows that, and the sooner you understand that, the sooner you might have some crumb of integrity to your posts. You think you can just jump in on this board and hash over topics that everybody who has been here longer than 2 weeks has grown mind-numbingly bored of, but we tire of your drivel. If you had some inkling of knowledge or any initiative to do some research, maybe somebody here (certainly not me) would pay attention to what you have to say, but you seem content to wear your ignorance like fine jewelry for all to see. Why don't you take your vacuous rantings to a pot-smoking board and stop doing your level best to discredit our pastime?

Thank you, thank you.

(No offense, Don, I just thought I might could take a stab at winning the prize - it's a bottle of Jade, right?)

By Auntieminda on Monday, March 18, 2002 - 11:52 am: Edit


Look, I know that. Don would have never signed a post with "Nothin' but love."

Auntie M

By Oxygenee on Monday, March 18, 2002 - 11:48 am: Edit

I knew Don Walsh. Don Walsh was a friend of mine. Auntie, you're no Don Walsh.

By Auntieminda on Monday, March 18, 2002 - 10:28 am: Edit

What the hell are you yammering on about? You who are uglier than a child's drawing of a baboon's ass. There are three year olds freebasing red koolaid who can hold up their end of a converstaion better than you. I don't know why you even bothered to remove your nasty carcass from your unwashed bedsheets this morning, much less what you think your empty-headed excuse for commentary adds to this forum. If I had only been on this forum for a week, I'd still know that you were the most ignorant, ass-backward, countrified, 12-sandwich-eating hick ever to attempt to post here. There are crack whores on the streets who know more about absinthe than you. Your thoughts are so totally worthless that if someone gave you a penny for them, you would owe them $666 million. Pond scum wouldn't want to be associated with you. Three-legged dogs with mange, hard-pad, dysentery, and leprosy find you below their notice. You don't even need to think about starting anything with me. If I don't kill you the next time I see you, it will be because I've already called in that hit man who owes me a favor, and I've come to piss on your grave, you sick, repulsive, rotted, maggot-infested pustule on the ass of the world.

Nothin' but love,
Auntie M (going for the gold)

By Louched_Liver on Monday, March 18, 2002 - 06:19 am: Edit

Points for hairtrigger reactionism, misunderstanding, repetitivness, flip-flopping, delays for Google searches, and just bein' plain ol' mean and nasty.

Have fun.

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