Louchin' Around In A-Town (Canto lll)
Sepulchritude Forum: The Absinthe Forum Archive Thru March 2002: Archive thru March 2002:Louchin' Around In A-Town (Canto lll)
You all had some pretty good ideas, but do tell us the results of your individual tests. I will reveal what you should have experienced if it did not work for you. As well as the practical use of THE COPPER PENNY TEST! For those of you that it worked let us know.
Pantman,
The Atomic Sit up.
That's gay, butt funny.
The faith test is more thoelogical
than scatological.
Owww!
Well, what you need to do is take a penny, the older the better. I have been told their is a slightly higher grade copper in the older pennies. Most of the copper was mined in Utah prior to 1973.
Now you may wash the penny with a little soap and water if you like. Don't use hot water for the reasons i will explain later.
Rub the penny between fingers and thumb to make it a few degrees warmer than room temp.
As soon as the penny is warm, gently bite down on it with your front teeth. You must do this quickly. Now, hold the penny in your teeth and bring your lips down to contact the top and bottom of penny. Gently, now.
With the tip of your toung rub the edge of the penny back and forth. This should be done rapidly.
Be patient for the results. It may take longer for some to achieve the goal.
CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE COPPER PENNY TEST!!!!!
this 'faith' test wouldn't have certain outcomes like the grand old 'atomic sit-up'?
The test in which you win a bar bet being able to shit twice as much by placing a penny vertically in your ass canal and shitting out two turds at a time. Split down the middle by the lodged penny?
Did I ever tell you the old Vietnam whore trick? Where they'd place a razor blade inside the vagina suspended(I guess) so that when the Good Joe would dive in for action he'd withdraw his unit pronto only to find that it was split in half and two times the man he formerly was?
Ouch!
The tire tread test?
The faith test?
The test that proves it can not kill a man?
Or the test that proves in an alternate universe you are the king of the world on only a penny a day?
Nanoo Nanoo.
head,pantyman,jockeyman,and any rabid critters ready for the guillotine, as well as you fine laides in here. For I would have to agree,smartest,wittiest,clever,vile,trend setting craftsmen,etc. May I add that nothing is sacred? How many of you scratched and sniffed ahead of the q"s.
Do any of you jockey's remember the copper penny test. If you know the test, do not give it away, quite yet! A excellent test desinged by a tool crib attendant working the missile factories in New England. For what you may ask is this test preformed? This is so original that you would have known Mr. Silk, myself, or one of his associates to be privy to this test. I assure you this is not bullshit.
Love, Nancy
And so the Ball began.
After putting the rodents back in incarceration, we went into the living room and waited for the festivities to commence. Something I hate to do. I've been known to concoct some excuse to exit my own home before anyone arrives, and return after kickoff. Sick, but true.
Rabid appeared shortly. After we got together here last year, I shouldn't have been suprised when he showed up @ the balcony door again. But, seeing how it's 140' to the ground from here, it's disconcerting nonetheless. Polite small talk was exchanged, as is customary when sniffing out strangers, as Head and Rabid were. And who could be stranger than those 2?
After a bit of chit chat, the Pantaclan arrived. It was funny to see his daughter be ascaired of menfolk, while realising that down the road, she'll get men to walk through plate glass by cocking her hip and givin' 'em that "look" that women can give.
The boys retired to the kitchen, where arrayed were various and sundry cheap glasses, SC spoons, 3 types of sugars, and Da Booze! Betty's #3 (courtesy of the Pantyliner), Wolvie's, both clear and green, Old Way (show's how much I like these ginks, as I didn't polish it off), and rolled out the Versinthe as well. This was not a "tasting session". This was a PAH-TAY!!. Quick impressions were given of each by those who hadn't tried this or that, but the main focus was talkin' shit. It was glorious. Turns out, that in our humble opinions, we are the smartest, wittiest, mostest cleverest fuckers on the forum. Who'd have thought we'd agree to that?
A real party involves scratch n' sniff cards, so I broke out my vintage Polyesters.
What a pleasant suprise that 21 years down the road, they'd still pack enough of a wallop that they could get someone to snap their head back! That's quality.
In a foray into where the women were talking to answer a question, I noticed that the real Pants in the family, Mrs. Gruel was wearing a Manbeef.com t-shirt. This took some doing, as she had a shirt, sweater, and jacket over it. But, as they say, perseverance pays off. This discovery lead to many chuckles and guffaws as we weighed in on the choicest cuts of Manbeef, and of course, unrelatedly, but somehow appropriately, Ouchy the Clown. Some of you may recognise Ouchy from previous appearances here in the forum.
Then we spooled up the WNBC comic short about "Green Fairy". Hoo Ha! We had a goodly group chuckle about Seisure Boy, and the overall level of hysterics about the self same stuff we were tippin' back as we watched. We enjoyed the stoicism of T-bone Breaux and Joo-stahn the Sledge Man a couple of times, because they look so different than those groups of little letters they post under their tags on the forum.
Then, of course, Forrest Hump had to come out for an airing. We enjoyed Mr. Diddle-diddle and the Fullmoon Momma as well. Note to those w/a limp wand-take her shoe off, and watch the tide rise!
A quick seminar was held on the differences between hurling (no, noone did, so shut up!), and cricket.
"That's the hurling stick, and that's the hurley ball. No, that's the cricket bat, and that's the googly. No, you can't switch balls from one game to another."
You can see us practising our backswings on Head's face in the 1st Photo of Head Prosthesis thread.
After that, things are a blur. Head captured the highlights of what ensued. The only thing I can add is that only Head's willywanger could fit in the crack in the Liberty Bell replica. He rang one home for freedom.
Rabid, Pantagruel:
I managed to get all the charges dropped, so don't feel you have to hold back w/your sides of the story.
(in best Boo-Boo voice):
I don't think the Ranger's gonna like this Yogi....That guys more punk than me...
(slow poke Rodriguez):
How are we goin' to get da cheese from el pussy gato? Hi-ccup?!?! Dis guy's more punk dan meee!
Ladies and Gentlemen
Boys and Girls,
Diddering Bros./Bangem and Bunghole Circus
Proudly Presents…
The Head_bangers Ball!!!
…curtain rises…
There was a knock on the door and what I thought might be harps, could have been if Jimi Hendrix was tonguing and strumming them. Llyod Lleweliver answered the door and in strolled (aka Black Rabbit, Mr. Rabbit, The Artist Formerly Known as Rabbit) Good ol’ Rabid. A rosey cheeked cherub cast out by God with black vented coat, from which might sprout great, flashing, black metallic wings from every fold. Rosey cheeks, Technicolor hair and bourbon eyes.
We said our hellos and away we go.
Soon Pantagruel arrived along with his lovely vixen of a wife Pantalicious and their little angel of a daughter Pantalina. Big scary men made Pantalina nervous so Mrs. “L” quickly remedied the situation by taking Pantalicious and Pantalina into Prisoner Cell Block RAT for a little bonus “yard time” and introducing them to those darling little spray whipped loving rats that act like cats.
It quickly turned into a boys club. Rabid and Pantagruel are very warm, easy people to be comfortable with. The burping and farting came almost instantaneously. We began tipping glasses, tasting beers, shoveling Chex Mix and fine ass cookies (prepared by the divine Mrs. “L”) down our gullets. As with every meeting we spoke badly about every Forum member we could think of.
We watched Forrest Hump again. God Damn that’s one fine film.
Not having eaten much other than the cookies that day the booze was beginning to go to my, ...guess...
I was singing the praises of Betty in no time.
By the end of the night we were smashing bottles on the crack heads utility van from eleven stories up, crushing beer cans on our foreheads. Tipping llamas and tearing our clothes off to go skinny dipping in “Homo Creek” down at “Jello Bone National Park” near the site of Forrest Hump.
Loucheraci kept trying to express his love to Pantagruel who only had an empty Chex mix bowl to protect himself with. Laughter ensued as one very thin white NAKED duke (LL) came screaming down the hillside after a bowl tobogganing Pantagruel who was trying to escape.
When the Forum wives dispatched the police to retrieve us, the show was over. Released on our own recognizance, we took one last leap at chance and had our selves photographed trying to fuck the replica Bell at the Liberty Bell Shrine. Love that Lady “Liberty” we were heard cheering.
We said our goodbyes and rolled back tears. "You my niggah, man!" "No man, you my niggah!" and then they rolled...
Afterward I got to enjoy my own private episode of the Allentown Osbornes.
"Limp Liver you better shut up, I'll kick your ass!" slurred Mrs. "L"
"TAH DAH MOON ALICE, TAH DAH MOON!!!" giggled Louchey Lou
Siblings and married couples, no two sets of people know each other better. Lovingly playful in the game of "Go ahead! Push my buttons". Gotta lovem'.
please turn over disc to hear side 4 Siccy,
You are sick! No, just a mouthful of gooey softness. Like Christina Ricci, or a salty marhmallow. Huh, RimBoy?
oi! Dogboy. Whatho!
Who the hell could this newcomer be?
rat whippets, I likey...
Niggah'Whisky up in da' HAAAAAAASSSSSSS!
Hello all,allow me to give ya all a heads up.Liver,Head, Nancy Whiskey is on board and ready to sail.
Midgets? Not! The movie Head was brave enough to eyeball is called Even Dwarves Started Small. It's your basic all dwarf cast, w/the premise that the inmates have taken over a mental institution. One of the petite insurectionists is tied to a chair in the director's office, and does nothing but laugh. The aforementioned Chiclets are a couple of little (of course) blind dudes w/welder's goggles. Someone loses a shoe, shit gets smashed. The guy pictured in Head's missive can't get laid because he can't figure out how to reach the bed. A 400 lb sow and her piglets are killed, and like El Topo, it all takes place in lovely, physcotic Mexico!
After figuring out they really killed the pig and her lil' bacon brood, I'd had enough when I watched it. Seeing a monkey getting crucified takes a certain mindset I just couldn't seem to find. Head told me they only tied him up. That made me feel much better. Oh yeah. A gimpy chicken runs around for about, hmm, FOREVER! Great movie.
The Whirl Examiner is a now defunct, I believe piece of art.
Email me, send me a $1, and I'll mail you some, I've got 1/2 a grocery bag full.
I think "nothing says punk" like a domicile full of wild rats. Having 3 tame little balls of loving fur, who happen to have big orange teeth, and long, pointed, naked tails, is less so. Since the vermin are on lockdown, they get yard time for an hour or 2 every day to mingle w/the dirty humans.
As for amusement, try taking a can of Ready Whip, letting one of the little nippers grasp the nozzle in their mouth, then letting 'er rip. Hoo hah! Fun for the 4 legged rodents receiving, and the 2 legged rodents administering.
Head - we've missed you on the forum...
that's not my profile pic is it?
Saturday Morning…
Had a hard time falling asleep. Full of beer, potaytoes and chicken wings. Checked the Forum, nothing going on as usual. I played PONG for several minutes… then hours… Then the darkness came and lahhhhhhhhhhhhhh……………
Woke up to the sound Mrs. Livah coming in from her shopping expedition. She offered coffee, tea, breakfast, etc. I hate making those big decisions so I went with the black coffee.
Seeing as I already knew the answer to the question “Who ya’ with?”
I opened with “Where ya’ from?”
Cooffee tawwk commenced and bacon hit the pan. Mrs. “L” was starting the fixins for that nights mixin. Information exchanged was proprietary and will remain confidential until such time as I forget and then it will no longer be accessible. Tell you what though, nicest woman you could meet.
The transition from pleasant conversation to a midget uprising was rather abrupt, but with Mrs. “L”s steady hand and grasp of technology she had me burning down trees, throwing stones, smashing plates and crucifying monkeys in no time.
“DAS KAPUT, heheheheheheheheheh, DAS KAPUT”
YAH, YAH, TROCKENE MILCH… YAH, YAH, TROCKENE MILCH hehehehehehehehehhehehhe…
YAH, YAH, HÜBSCHE FRAU YAH, YAH hehehehehhehehehehhe…”
The little fucker never stopped pointing at him either.
After the ruckus died down and the chicklets went back to their shed. Mrs. “L” took a nap after inviting me to the best mother fucking cookies I've ever eaten. After two plates full I tried reading.
Reading the Whirl Examiner was very, how shall we say, inspiring. Funny stories about the harsh world of Wife Beaters and Mean Mistreaters. DOPE EATERS and drug busts. With the right attitude and demeanor Booter’s Rib Shack may just send you a sample copy.
After awhile I moved onto good old HP Lovecraft. Love’im to death!!! BUT “BORING” when you’re away on a trip. Keep me knee deep in beer, food and Big ASS TITTIES.
There’s no fear when you’re ass over tea kettle in titties and beer.
When I got bored, I would stand at the window looking down into the park. Hoping to get a glimpse of some fuck bunnies scrumping, pumping, and Forrest Humping between the pines. As I stood near the window and felt the chill off the glass, the talking radio shack temperature probe was telling me “The temperature inside is 73° farenheit The temperature outside is 43° farenheit. Get real porn boy!”
Louched Liber Lotus came home, rested, showered, fru frued up and then it was yard time for the kids.
Nothing says “punk” like rats for pets.
HELLO FOLKS I’M PRESTO WHIP!!! I never saw a small animal take a blast of anything, let alone propellant whipped cream, directly from the nozzle…
The big moment to come…