Press release: Dr. P. Ordinaire joins Jade Liqueurs

Sepulchritude Forum: The Absinthe Forum Archive Thru March 2002: Press release: Dr. P. Ordinaire joins Jade Liqueurs
By Dr_Ordinaire on Monday, April 01, 2002 - 05:38 am: Edit

Bagkok (Reuters)

In a move that stunned the absinthe world, Jade Liqueurs announced today that Dr. Pierre Ordinaire had joined the firm in the capacity of Main Researcher - Visionary.

"It's a marriage made in Heaven", beamed an extatic Ted Breaux, Owner and Main Chemist of Jade, "we have been following Dr. Ordinaire's career for decades now, but it was tasting his Damiana absinthe that convinced us that we needed him in our team. It was expensive, but worth it."

Asked about new developments, Mr. Breaux confided that Dr. O's next project will be to develop in record time a red version of his Damiana brew, to compete with a well known Spanish brand. To our questioning about whether this complicated project (code name: "Sourpiss") could be achieved in a short time, Mr. Breaux expressed his total confidence in Dr. O's ability to distill Sourpiss.

Mr. Don Walsh, Co-owner and Main Distiller, was too overcome with emotion to answer our questions and referred us to his lab-assistant, Russo-British researcher Dr. Igyvyia Payne, who, in keeping with the progressive character of the firm, had replaced the tradicional lab coat and clipboard with a black leather skin suit and cat-o-nine-tails. In what must be a Thai custom, Dr. Payne threw the press release to the floor while intoning: "Peekitaps leib!"

Our reporter finally found Dr. O outside Jade headquarters, stealthily disposing of a bag of large stones. Asked about this strange activity, he stammered that "...they were for a maceration experiment..." and " I have better lab equipment, won't need them anymore."

Dr. O. professed to be too busy at the moment to provide us with a resume of his accomplishments, but promised to send us one glowing report of himself, written by an unnamed admirer.

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