At crippling personal expense, I've just ordered a bottle of Absinthe King of Spirits Gold.
On arrival of the bottle here, I propose to make up ten sample bottles. These will be sent absolutely free of charge, by airmail, to a panel of 10 Fee Verte members for tasting and evaluation.
To join the panel, to become one of this select and exclusive group (hereafter referred to as "The Chosen™"), you must fulfill all 5 of these conditions:
1. PM me with your full name, email and postal address.
2. Have submitted at least 5 reviews to the Buyers Guide, by the closing date for applications.
3. Agree in writing that on receipt of your sample you will retain it untouched until 8.00pm GMT on Sunday, December 10th 2006.
4. At exactly 8.00pm GMT on that day you will taste and evaluate your sample.
5. Within ONE HOUR of tasting - ie, before 9.00pm GMT, you will submit a fully completed Buyers Guide scoresheet to Hartsmar, with your evaluation of the product.
The closing date for applications is November 20th, 2006
1. In the event of more than 10 qualified applications being received, priority will be give to those who've submitted the most reviews to the Buyers Guide.
2. Anyone who receives a sample, and then doesn't comply with items 4 and 5 above, will be publicly named and shamed here on the forum.
Lines are now open. Do you have what it takes to become one of The Chosen™?
It makes me glad I haven't reviewed anything yet, otherwise I'd probably be tempted.
Don't be despondent. You've got till Nov 20th to get your five qualifying reviews in.
It's 100mg of thujone remember. You're guaranteed to TripBalz™.
I do that without the benefit of thujone, thank you very much.
Don't I know it.
You two are very sweet.
I'll do it. As I've mentioned at WS, I've never had any Czechsinth but I badmouth it so much that I really should have an actual experience on which to base my prejudices instead of just hearsay.
Is that masochistic?
Anyway, I'll easily have enough reviews done by then.
I salute you and any volunteers for bravery and efforts above and beyond the call of duty.
That's the ol' Fee Verte spirit I like to see Donnie.
I think I've gotten to the bottom of this. In wanting everyone to try it at the same time, are you actually trying to get a small number of people to collectively make an "UGH!" sound that's audible around the world? A truly amazing feat for record books?
The resulting report would make a great KOSGold marketing blurb.
$230.00 a bottle! Did you get it from a certain dwarf in the desert?
That's the real price.
She'd charge at least five beans, on a generous day.
I'll do it, as well, Oxy, but only because my "chosen", stereotypically cheap Jewish half can't resist getting a sample of $230 anything for free!
Get those reviews rolling in!
I don't think I've done enough reviews. If I had, I'd be more than happy to join in the joy.
Darnit. Oh well, my loss. I'll go cry in my beer now.
Ya know, Oxy, if the goal is to get people to submit more reviews, it might be a good idea to provide something they'd WANT to review . . .
It reminds me of the Married With Children episode where Peg referred to herself as a trophy wife and Al wondered what kind of contest from hell he had won.
>It doesn't seem to be available for less from anywhere else.
it's that damn absinthe mafia, i tell you!
Yeah, it's a lot more fun when you're doing it, than when you're having it done to you, if you know what I mean.
I look at it kind of like earning your Red Wings. Almost nobody's going to envy you but it tends to command some respect due to having survived it.
The question is, which is worse?
I like the idea of having a kind of mailing list for reviewers. It'd be nice to do this regularly. Maybe we can all take turns buying bottles to send out.
I think I have an adventurous enough spirit to take on this challenge. Now I just need to write 4 more reviews...I only have 4 kinds at home, and already reviewed one. Oh well, another excuse to buy more absinthe....
Oxy, make sure that you get a few chunks of those macerating herbs into each sample. I'm sure that KOS Gold just wouldn't be the same without them. And you don't want to rob The Chosen of that extra thujone kick.
Besides what would a KoSG review be without a smoking the undried floaty bits trip report?
Speaking of smoking, are the reviewers supposed to add a burning sugar cube? It may not be in the review guidelines but I'm assuming that the KOS bottle describes the Czech method as the proper way to serve their concoction. The colour before and after burning could be evaluated.
It certainly makes more sense than sitting there waiting for its Louche Action to kick in.
Were Don still around, he might suggest you test it for Douche Action.
Since there will be 10 reviewers, perhaps 5 could flame and 5 could drip.
Unfortunately, I only have two reviews in the guide, so I can't be a KOSG reviewer. DAMN.
DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!
And when you asked me to confirm a mailing address a few days ago, I assumed you had unearthed a sealed, full bottle of Absinthe Anti-Juive .........
(Take a deep breath and step forward)
After all, I had the regular KOS and survived to tell the tale.
I even have a small sample of it left, so I can make a side-by-side comparison to see if the gold version actually has more ballz-tripping power.
I now have three absinthes in the house, and have not reviewed any of them. That'd bring my total to five.
Cutoff is November 20, right? Hmm, I think I can wait two weeks . . .
I am certain I wrote at least five reviews but I would rather drink old beer than sample any more nasty absinth. THe last three absinth reviews I did broke me. Fee Verte's Elixier, Absinth Red(not sure who makes that swill but the bottle said Red Absinth), and Absinth 35. I can still taste the Absinth 35 when I think about it. Actually all of them are fairly distinct in my mind.
The would be Staroplzenecky Red...
I thought about posting a review for the Brut d'Alembic last night, but then I'd be closer to five reviews.
I've done ten now. That's all I've got.
Peridot, I believe that qualifies you for TWO samples of KOSG.
One to taste and review and one to use as fuel injector cleaner?
My most recent three reviews haven't been added to the guide yet. Hartsmar might be trying to protect me.
Nah, I've just been socializing with the outside world for a bit. My family hardly recognized me!
Either way, I'll add them (and a few new of my own) tonight.
Blanche de Fougerolles and Francois Guy. They're in the individual threads.
I might be interested.
Now, to do this review, would one just have to taste the KOS(g) or drink it all?
I don't remember if I have 5 reviews written though.
Dang! Here it is the 16th all ready, and I only have in 2 reviews! I need to get to stepping if I want to make the 10th deadline. Unfortunately, I only have two more brands at home, leaving me short 1 to review. I might have to bite the bullet and get an ouncer of some nasty absente at the liquor store, and take one for the team.
Me: "You will give me the information I desire..."
My worst enemy: "NEVER! Do your worst!"
Me: "As you wish... Behold! The King of Spirits Gold!"
My worst enemy: "Agh! NO! I'll tell you anything!"
Me: "Heh, heh... too late... enjoy your convulsions..."
And the one, THE ONE who has held the flag high for years is left out. HA!
It's a conspiracy, I tell you...
Amidst scenes of feverish excitement (even the cat came to look) here at Oxy Global Headquarters, the KOSG arrived...
...and samples have been despatched to The Chosen™
You included some cat hair in the package there, right?
I quiver with anticipation
Don't feel sorry for them. They're heroes, doing it for the rest of us.
Wow that cat looks pissed off.
Yeah, if there's one thing he hates, it's wormwood in the coloring step.
Aha! Suddenly everything makes sense!
Will you be recreating the Absinthe Bourgeois poster with your Siamese cat and a flaming King of Spirits Gold shot?
That last KOSG picture reminds me of snow-globes. Maybe it's intended for use as a paperweight...?
That's actually a pretty nice color. Too bad about how it got that way, though.
I thought the exact thing.
I salute the bravery of the volunteers.
I joined here mostly for the purpose of writing reviews. That would have happened anyway. I'm a nerd like that.
It just so happens that the day after I got validated the KOSG thing was announced.
That said, I actually am looking forward to finding out how fucking awful this shit is. Nothing like first hand experience when warning people away from something. I mean, we don't drink drain cleaner to tell people we know it's bad, but then again it's not being bottled specifically for human consumption.
It's nice that there are so many volunteers to sample the carefully crafted t-joney goodness the King. Other people require subtle encouragement.
I sure hope that each vile is accompanied by a sample from the Pernod Fils 1914 cache. You know? To cleanse the palate!
I feel like a canary in a coal mine!
A funny one at that.
I'm unnerved every time I see that photo of Eric.
Well. The photo of Mr Paperbag just don't cut it! The King don't louche like that! Besides, isn't that the cheapo version? We gonna be doing the Bling Bling King!
I think the bling bling king is gonna bust a cap in my ass.
It wasn't until I saw a picture of that bottle with the debris floating in it that it occured to me what martyrdom I had set myself up for. 72 virgins, here I come!
I got five bucks that sez Donnie's curled up fast asleep after the third virgin.
In other words, about 10 minutes hence.
I ain't sayin' xit. Gone in sixty-seconds.
I usually just apologize.
I'm in it for me.
That's good. They'll need the raisins to help clean out their systems after ingesting all of that wormwood.
The bible(s) are pretty clear that Mary was a virgin. The contradiction lies in the older aramaic texts -- some of them among the dead sea scrolls. It seems the word translated later into "virgin" was merely the title they called or referred to or young women as. Better translations might have been "maiden, or Miss." Thus the biblical interpretation would be that she was a virgin (as in several Roman mystery cults) but the likely history is that she was married to Joseph and had his child -- especially since the tradition of the time required a "deflowering" of the bride in a special tent as part of the marriage ritual.
What does all this mean to us now?
Not a goddamn thing.
...that God is a DJ?
Got a little package today with the KOSG.
I am soooo looking forward to the sampling of this...
Nepenthes, Selmac, Larspeart, Perruche Verte and I will gather and have a little Minneapolis tasting.
This could be more like a wine tasting . . .
Will be you be smoking the vegetation?
We're going to freebase that shit!
I think most who follow scripture are understanding of translation issues. It's the message that one considers to be true, which has to be accepted by faith.
To say "most" is definitely counting on too many, I'll admit to that.
I'm not sure if your question regarding faith is rhetorical, as I'm sure you are very familiar with scripture. Faith is the basis of understanding/believing in the matters of spirituality as told through the scriptures. Obviously, it takes faith to believe and angel of God came upon a virgin who gave birth to the Son of God, just as the same faith points toward the death and resurrection of Him.
I understand your using the word as a descriptor of a particular set of beliefs, but I'm trying to use it primarily defined as the "belief in things not seen" pertaining to all the spiritual accountings described in the Bible. That is the book we are discussing, no?
Donnie, I'm familiar with the whole "virgin" word thing as possibly meaning something else, but Matthew 1:18 and Luke 1:24 clarify things by saying it operationally (e.g., having not known a man, etc.).
Anyway, if you've hardened your heart and reject God, I don't have much else to say. I think Steyr gives a decent description of faith (although I would say that my faith is broader and deeper than chalking up the unanswerable questions to the Maker...e.g., examples from my own life, seeing God in action, etc).
And I can't figure out what Sixela's beef is. Unless he's being rhetorical.
Ah, mysticism vs rationality and science, the battle of the times: progress or regress.
I find science to be increasingly http://www.qedcorp.com/London/03-Sarfatti-P.pdf
What we yet know of the universe, while much more than we used to, is minimal. The vastness and complexity of the universe is far too great to be limited by any diety we can project on it. We have the extraordinary ability to learn what we don't know and that knowledge, constatnly honed by science is based on verifiable information.
Beats the heck out of the myths we make up to explain what we don't know.
Life and consciousness are amazing, tenuous conditions to be appreciated but they are explainable in scientific terms.
Look at this discussion.
. . . and you all claim KOSG has no secondary effects?
By the way, I just got my KOSG. I'm calling the hazmat unit.
One can have faith in the scientific method. Knowledge gained by that process is naturally going to change as more knowledge is gained.
I don't know that we can truly experience anything beyond our senses as much as we underestimate the limit of our senses. I will acknowledge spirituality even as an athiest, (though I feel it as connection) but just because we don't have a scientific explanation for those experiences doesn't mean that they can't be scientifically explained. We merely lack the information.
You mean there's no Santa?!?
Let us not forget what Uncle Dave Macon once said…
"God Didn't Make Me No Monkey Man"
Very true. "Why" is question for philosohpers just as "what the question is" may be for the alchemists to find.
Some questions have no answer.
HAHAHAHAHA! I have faith in Frank.
When I was in highschool in redneckville, Mississippi, my biology class was full of "because God made it that way." That was the only answer. The teacher had to follow the code and actually teach biology, but his favourite answer to receive from students to any question he asked was "because God made it that way."
It always astonished me. Even if that's your belief, that doesn't diminish the significance of the processes that are taking place, affecting every single aspect of our world. If God created the processes they're still worth studying and understanding. Of course, it was only a problem in biology. I never heard "because God made it that way" in physics or chemistry.
"Because God made it that way" can be an excellent answer when playing doctor.
I had a similar experience in my "Biology" class in Public School in Tennessee. The teacher wrapped duct tape around the Evolution chapter of the Biology book because "we no man didn't come from no monkey".
In retrospect, I'm glad the teacher didn't bother trying to teach evolution since his intellectual capacity was apparently no better than that of a monkey anyway.
I find it silly that Faith gets exempted from the rigorous evidentiary standards science and law are held to, and one is perceived as obnoxious or shrill if they question faith, but perceived as perfectly reasonable if they question science. If God is something we're supposed to base our entire fucking life upon, shouldn't we make sure we can verify it first? Pascal's wager is a favourite of Christians, but ask yourself the opposite: what if this life is all you have, and you based your entire life on a falsehood? I'm hedging my bets even more than cowardly Pascal was.
Note that Ken Miller in the Youtube link I posted is a Roman Catholic, and Francis Collins (head of the Human Genome Project) is also a theist. Faith does not have to exclude science, though I think to attribute "God" to something science doesn't yet understand is a cop-out. There are plenty of Theists in the scientific community whom I respect and agree with on nearly every issue. Sadly it's rare to find a faithful person that listens to scientific evidence presented by an Atheist.
"I have faith that the KOSG will be the worst tasting "absinth" I've ever consumed."
Still haven't braved the Elixier, eh?
I hope I didn't open too big a can-O-worms here. However, my "Faith" which is based soley on faith, is very important to me. I wished I made more choices on a day to day basis directed by my Faith. For me, science and my Faith can coexist together. I don't see a problem with using science to theorize a physical dimension wrought from the Spiritual.
I try not to let religious doctrines interfere in my beliefs, but that is the struggle of the ages. It soley is responsible for the decay experienced with Christianity, and now Faiths of all.
Same here. My faith is not injured by scientific study because it doesn't attempt to answer "how," only "why."
My point was that faith fills in the gaps, no matter what you subscribe to. I haven't seen anything on this thread that contradicts that. All I'm saying is that we shouldn't pretend that believing in clever theories is completely devoid of faith. There are missing pieces, missing links, whatever--and that's where faith comes in, even for the post-religious folk. Some use the word faith like it's an insult, not realizing that it takes just as much faith to put stock in some of their deeply held beliefs...
Yeah, I got my badge:
Gentlemen, please, let's get this thread back on track, and back to KOSG.
Did the Virgin Mary wear panties?
If she did, you can bet they'd hit the floor when you pop open a bottle of KOSG!
My point exactly. They don't call it "The Ultimate Panty Remover" for nothing.
I received my sample. I'd better warn my wife...
Jean Lanfray II: The curse of absinthe strikes again as an American shoots his wife. . .
Remember that it doesn't work as a 'panty remover' if you are the one doing the drinking.
Don't be so sure.
Two visits from the monkeys today:
That's the funniest juxtapositioning I've seen since Danny DeVito and Arnold in 'Twins'.
More like Betty standing next to Rachel Weisz.
In that photo the Jade bottle should have a different label that says "<-----I'm with stupid".
The labels on the little KOSG samples look intimidating. "Sample for Testing."
Fuck, man, what have I gotten myself into?
That's a might small sample. To enjoy the King properly you want to chug at least a quarter bottle.
So that's your collateral damage.
Now I can sympathize.
"No, oddly enough not many major financial institutions accept the King as collateral."
Perhaps not, but I most certainly do.
What a long, strange Balztrip™ it's been to the mailbox, just now.
Yes, my deadly package has arrived, and I'm on tenterhooks to taste this delicacy a bit more than two days hence.
The Minneapolis crew is gonna freebase it, Deluge, so I guess I'll have to snort it, just to one up you guys.
Hartsmar, you said it came with floaties...funny, they look like sinkers, to me.
And Donnie...yes, I'd better warn the wife, as well...not that it'll be the first time she'll have seen me channeled by the grate Jean Lanfray.
Just got back from out of town with my sample waiting for me.
I was wondering... would the "color" categories include overall appearance? I.e., should points be taken off for floaties?
And added for sinkers.
Well, it's not sediment. It's intentionally added crap, so I don't know if it's appropriate to consider that a flaw in the context of a review.
Should colour after water category just be negated since it's not supposed to louche? Or should we just give it a crappy score for not being different than before the water? Is it a double deduction for one thing since it will surely get a zero for louche action?
I'd say rate color after water the same as before water. It will no doubt be less than the before water score, since it's diluted. I'd be inclined to say that opacity and pearliness would go under louche action.
I have a feeling color is going to be the biggest scoring category for it anyways. My guess is that it might break 20 if it doesn't smell too horrible. We shall see.
I think there's an 80s classic film that sums these questions up nicely...'Less Than Zero'.
I seem to remember a lot of dazed, disoriented people puking in that movie so it should be applicable in more ways than one.
You catch on quick, Grasshopper.
Not bad for a . . .
Yes, we resemble that remark.
So are you supposed to louche it with the debris in it or strain the stuff out first?
Leave the debris in it. Don't louche it. Just add water instead.
It's December 8 . . . tick, tick, tick . . .
My mom saw the sample bottles on my desk and took a look at the label. "Are these urine samples?" she asked. Not too far off.
One more question before the big day comes- is it acceptable to use profanity in our reviews? I have a sinking feeling that it may be the only way to get the point across.
If there is wormwood floating in it, I would think that would put it in the minus category for color.
Gentlemen, I'd suggest a period of meditation and quite contemplation as you prepare for tomorrrow's ordeal. Now's the time to say your goodbyes.
The KOSG people have secretly contacted all the contestants and have provided large cash payments to garner favorable reviews. I was wondering if you could match the offer?
I'm concerned that the time limit to write the review after drinking the shit doesn't give me enough time to make it to the hospital and back. I don't own a laptop.
First of all, you guys missed it ! There is one that goes to 11 !!!! (111 that is, mg of tujone) I think it killed a Spinal Tap's 3rd drummer.
And i pray that at least one of you out lines the experience like this guy:
Yeah, I've seen that before. This part cracks me up:
"Awsome" isn't the word for it.
I think by awesome he meant not awesome.
Yeah, I was being sarcastic. By awesome I meant "bullshit."
If a liquor bottle could distill its contents that would be pretty far beyond awesome.
So, it's come to this.
What, you expected it to come someplace different?
Or, umm, I mean, maybe, differently?
13.14 GMT. 08.14 Eastern. 05.14 Pacific.
6 hours and 46 minutes to go.
You can almost cut the anticipation with a knife.
This event is the antithesis of that http://www.globalorgasm.org/ Day mentioned in the Corn Hole.
The rest of us had better be "gettin' busy" today to balance out the energy field.
Nobody ever volunteered, much less competed, for a swing on the gallows though.
I know. They don't call me Dr Evil for nothing.
I was kind of hoping for more of a Shawshank Redemption ending...
tick..... tock...... tick............ tock............
Less than three hours...
This'll be a hoot. I might drink along just for the fun of it...
Second thoughts anyone?
One hour left....
Make sure you're properly equipped:
Activated Charcoal mix
Yup. Everything is ready. The little bottle is staring at me.
Just keep walking towards the light, and you'll be safe, and everything will be fine.
Maybe I'll have a glass of Elixier, just to share your pain.
Ice Water... check
Barf Bag... check
Activated Charcoal mix... uh oh.
I knew there was http://mdn.mainichi-msn.co.jp/features/archive/news/2006/03/20060322p2g00m0fe012000c.html about this . . .
Now begins the longest 10 minutes of my life.
Nepenthes, Selmac and I are just about ready to pour a glass...
Wish us luck!
2 minutes and counting...
Bottoms up, brave souls.
I'm getting everything set up now. If I don't make it back, send my regards to my family.
Oxy - we who are about to cry salute you.
God speed, brave pioneers!
I'm saying a little prayer for you right now. I really pray none of you go blind!
Ground control to Major Toms . . .
...cannot.... air... must... please.
That would be herb debris, Oxy. How much have you REALLY been drinking of this!?
I might be.
You seem to have survived into the post pukeing stage.
I emerge victorious from the field of battle, having conquered the mighty dragon.
Time to start a'reviewin'.
I hope someone was taking pics of the louche action, and herb floating action!
I am currently doing a side-by-side comparison of KOS Regular and KOS Gold ...
The only thing that would make this better, would be if Lannie was one of the reviewers.
Posted on Donnie's behalf:
King of Spirits Gold
Reviewed by Donnie Darko 12/10/2006
COLOR BEFORE WATER 2/10
The tint is a fairly light green, not unattractive, but the bottom of the glass contains a hodgepodge of herbal detritus which ruins any potential for the drink to look appealing.
LOUCHE ACTION 0/10
When water is added, you seem some faint swirly oil action for a brief moment, but then that disappears and it goes back to being entirely transparent. It louches about as elegantly as a glass of vodka (i.e not at all).
COLOR AFTER WATER 1/10
Looks like a watered down glass of Chardonnay. To make matters worse, adding water stirs up the herbal detritus and now that debris is floating throughout the drink rather than staying at the bottom.
It smells a bit like Zubrowka Buffalo Grass Vodka, if you've ever smelled that. The difference is the alcohol is much harsher, akin to a very cheap vodka, plus there is a lingering Listerine type aroma behind that.
There is no creaminess or smoothness at all to the mouthfeel. I've had cheap grappa that was softer on the tongue. Nothing but harsh alcohol bite followed by some bitterness that adds insult to injury.
If I were grading this beverage as just another alcoholic beverage, I might have scored it a little higher, since I have tasted worse, but this claims to be Absinthe, and the flavour does not resemble real absinthe whatsoever, so I am forced to heavily penalize it. The first taste one gets is an enormous alcohol stab, followed by a split second minty taste, and then a castor-oil stomach acid type bitterness comes through that induces stomach flips. The bitterness, however, is not as intense as the bitterness that can come from straight wormwood. It tastes much closer to Mugwort. The three points I gave it are for that brief minty taste that creates a short oasis between the piercing alcohol and the repugnant mugwort.
OVERALL IMPRESSION 0/10
Under no circumstances should one consider this drink Absinthe. The only thing it has in common with absinthe is that is contains alcohol. Comparing this to absinthe would be like comparing coffee to wine (hey, they both are mostly water!). In the name of science, I decided to investigate the detritus included in the drink, and it's a curious mess. There is one fennel seed, totally flavourless, 4 anise seeds, all flavourless and one of them has already germinated, and then some sharp wooden splinters which are either the remnants of a shattered 2x4 or perhaps some Mugwort stems. This beverage cannot be taken seriously, even if it were just a generic alcoholic beverage not aspiring to be absinthe. I've tasted a few nastier drinks, like really cheap Tequila, Cisco and Wu Liang Ye, but this one hits the gullet like a greasy pork sandwich dipped in gasoline. You really have to concentrate hard to swallow it. If I had Tripped Balz, I probably would have at least given it one point, but it couldn't even muster that singular characteristic for which people buy it.
This product is not worth the glass in which it is bottled.
Donnie Darko scores King of Spirits Gold 14 out of 100
I feel so dirty . . .
King of Spirits Gold
Reviewed by AndrewT 12/10/2006
COLOR BEFORE WATER 5/10
Slightly pale olive green. Not unpleasant, but lacks the depth of a really vibrant coloring step. Floating chunks of herb stalks detract from the overall appeal, though.
LOUCHE ACTION 0/10
There were occasions where it looked like it was trying to louche, but a slow stream of cold water just brought out the swirly currents you see when diluting any kind of alcohol. After the water settled back down, it's obvoius that there's no louche. The addition of water also brought out some small white bubbles that stick to the side of the glass, as well as float on top. It almost looks like remnants of foam from beer. Perhaps it's also due to being "bottle conditioned".
COLOR AFTER WATER 2/10
Water brings out more of the yellow in the hue. It actually looks like undiluted Un Emile, but slightly more green.
Before water- Alcohol is very present. After my nose got adjusted to it, there were actually some pleasant notes to it. There are some faint floral characteristics (probably from the wormwood) and some vegetal seedy smells (perhaps there actually is some anise and/or fennel macerated in there?)
After water- The alcohol is no longer overwhelming. The wormwood aroma is still present, and not weakened as much as the alcohol was.
Overall, it's not a bad aroma, just very weak and not very complex.
Surprisingly thick for lacking any sort of louche. The bitterness lingers for a loong time though, which is a major turnoff.
Not as bad as I was expecting. It's slightly less bitter than chewing on raw wormwood. The taste isn't bad when it first hits your tongue, there is some of the floral scent present in the taste. If I were reviewing this as a bitter, it would probably get a moderate score. Classified as an absinthe, though, there are glaring holes in the flavor profile (anise!). As far as scoring goes, since it's lacking 2 of the 3 main ingredients, I don't think it can go higher than 7/20. The wormwood that's there is simple and not very complex, which takes off a point or two, and the fact that it's much more bitter than it's supposed to be takes off a lot.
OVERALL IMPRESSION 1/10
If it weren't for the advertising campaign behind this drink, I would probably take pity on the makers. It doesn't have the best herbs (assuming it uses more than one), and the makers obviously don't know what absinthe is supposed to taste like. As a mislabeled bitter, it's not too bad. Better than Gammel Dansk. But absinthe it ain't.
It pains me deeply to say this, but I got some secondaries from this. Keep in mind, though, that I've been known to get secondaries off of arak or beer before.
AndrewT scores King of Spirits Gold 23 out of 100
By the way, thanks alot Hartsmar for the review tool! This is the first review I've done with it, and it makes things so much simpler.
King of Spirits Gold
COLOR BEFORE WATER 3
Extremely pale peridot green, with particulate matter in solution, but certainly natural looking enough.
LOUCHE ACTION 2
From the addition of the very first drop of water there was the noticeable beginning of swirling action that was trying to develop into something. The problem was that it went nowhere, with the prepared drink only showing the very slightest trace of a louche, and simply becoming an even paler shade of barely discernable peridot green. I gave it two points for the initial entertainment value.
COLOR AFTER WATER 2
An even more extremely pale shade of peridot green, and 98% translucent, aka basically clear, with just a tincture of color, and still natural looking, hence the two points.
Little more than some alcohol, a miniscule trace of anise, and a little obviously macerated wormwood come through in the nose, neat. When diluted, this scent dissipated, and became barely detectable.
Water (not even watery about sums it up.
A little perceptible anise, otherwise, an interminably long, harsh, and highly unpleasant taste, (and aftertaste) of mercilessly bitter, "herb store" wormwood.
OVERALL IMPRESSION 1
This is one sorry excuse for an alleged absinthe, or even absinth. As I recall, even the regular King of Spirits showed a little more character (although that actually made it a little more offensive). Mostly, this is one really bland drink, but what flavor is detectable is just plain crude, and awful. The hilariously absurd price point makes it even more egregiously rotten. The bottom line... this stuff makes Logan Fils seem like PF 1901, by comparison.
Absomphe scores King of Spirits Gold 12
I got it. And I have reviews from Deluge, Selmac and Nepenthes here as well. I'm compiling it all into one GIANT post. Wohooo.
Justabob, you got a PM coming in a minute.
Man, that was painful, but I now have a greater appreciation of what you put yourself through on a fairly regular basis!
King of Spirits Gold
Reviewed by peridot 12/10/2006
COLOR BEFORE WATER 5/10
It's paler green in the glass than I expected, with a yellowish tint. It looks natural at least. There's herbs intentionally floating in it, but no sediment otherwise.
LOUCHE ACTION 1/10
Developed the slightest of hazes. Water settled at the bottom, pushing the spirit up and creating the illusion of a real louche until everything just mixed up. Lots of oil swirls but not much comes of it.
COLOR AFTER WATER 2/10
Pathetic. The spirit is almost clear now, with only a slight bit of yellow left.
A zero is a strong statement, but I honestly can't imagine the odor being any more disgusting. It's the weirdest liquor I've ever smelled. It's mostly alcohol. However, there's a mintiness and something that totally turns my stomach. It has a salty, chicken-broth smell. Adding water diminishes that odor but that doesn't redeem it. The smell is now strongly medicinal and minty like a Halls cough drop.
At first it almost fooled me. The first sip yielded a creamy feel for all of half a second and then turned tremendously harsh and biting.
Don't take this as hyperbole. Really imagine this. Imagine the smell of Vicks VapoRub, juniper after a rainshower, and tomcat urine all mixed up. Now imagine that smell as a flavour in your mouth. The bitterness is not as bad as I expected but it is still beyond excessive. The only herb I can identify for certain is wormwood but it's nothing like the wormwood in absinthe, whether distilled or oil mix. It has no woody flavour. The flavour of the alcohol is strong. The bitterness is amplified in the finish. It's like sucking on a penny. There's also the taste of B-vitamins. There is no similarity whatsoever to absinthe. The herbs floating in it are flavourless.
OVERALL IMPRESSION 1/10
I only give it a 1 because the colour isn't offensive, although everything else about it is. This is completely unrelated to absinthe.
Many times I've seen consumers of this product regard this product as true absinthe. The way it should be. Absinthe for real men, not that weak stuff produced in France. I don't get it. Is it more tough and manly to drink something horribly unpleasant so that you can swagger and boast that you're the only one who can handle it? Perhaps those who think this is real absinthe should take a look at history. The alleged and much-hyped illegal 100 mg/L content has had no appreciable effect on me. That's the one thing that vendors say it has going for it, yet there's nothing there. So if you buy it you're going to be shelling out lots of money for a horrendously bad drink you could easily make at home with some plastic bottle vodka and herbs. So if you want to drink absinthe, get some real absinthe. And if you want to swagger, get some single-malt Scotch. Either way you'll save a few bucks.
peridot scores King of Spirits Gold 11 out of 100
Hartsmar, do you want us to PM you a copy, or can you just grab it from our posts? I don't want to break the rules or nuthin.
Break the rules, hell.
I think we should get together, and decide what concoction we choose for Oxy to consume, and review.
Absomphe, I'm a little insulted you'd use my name to describe the green of that stuff. It's more like olive.
Review PMed to Hartsmar.
Newsflash: The regular KOS is actually worse than the Gold version.
I'm actually finishing this glass. Like I said, it's not bad for a bitter. I'm not pretending I'm drinking absinthe, but it's not nearly as foul as I expected. It's better than Hills from what I remember of it.
That, and I don't have any real absinthe to follow it up with.
I've copied them all from here, no problem. Glad you like the review tool Andrew!
I'm surprised nobody was as offended by the smell as me. It was okay in the little sample vial but in the glass, before water, it was truly horrifying.
Well... Someone's "fashionably late" with turning in his paper...
I'm actually starting to get a headache. I wonder if it's because I'm trying to finish the glass (about halfway through after an hour). Perhaps this has some negative secondary effects.
As long as you're breathing, you're fine.
Why torture yourself?
unless you're into that sort of thing . . .
I am, but not this brand of torture.
If I can't make it an aesthetic experience, I at least try to make it ascetic.
HA HA HA!
I settled for "dry".
As a fond adieu to this memorable event:
I considered adding some arak to mine, but since there's no woody, distilled wormwood flavour in the KOSG, I figured neither drink would benefit from each other.
I hope no one's missing an ear.
Seriously, I have a ton of respect for all of you. I'd be afraid that stuff would turn me away from alcohol altogether.
Yeah, sorta like that.
And I suppose, like eating atomic wings, some people actually like KOSG. Although I have more respect for those who like the wings. One particular friend of mine claims that he gets a feeling of euphoria from the endorphines released due to the pain. I don't know if he's full of shit or not but it sounds a bit more realistic to me than trippin' balz off of KOSG.
4 hours, a gyros and several teeth brushing sessions, and I still have the taint in my mouth. I think Oxy was trying to destroy my palate.
A bar near my college had Suicidal, Homicidal and Disclaimer wings with the gimmick being that they made you sign a disclaimer before serving them to you. I believe the terms included the customer agreeing to wash their hands immediately after eating the wings, definitely before touching any sensitive body parts.
COLOR BEFORE WATER 6/10
The KOSG was a pale green, which looked ok near the top of the glass but the bottom however was full of herbage that should not be in there. I was under the impression that there was supposed to be wormwood in the bottle. All I could find were chunks of fennel, some anis and an assortment of other herb materials. My group gave it a 5-6 since the color was in fact green. A little thin but it was a seemingly natural green.
LOUCHE ACTION 1/10
There were swirls and some bubbles that gave a faint appearance that a louche might start but alas the end result was translucent and oily.
COLOR AFTER WATER 2/10
Although it was still a bit green there was no louche to speak of. The opalescent quality that one looks for in a quality absinthe was defiantly not found in KOSG.
The nose of the KOSG was really harsh. The quality of the spirit was poor and reminiscent of turpentine the only other detectable notes were a faint citrus scent and a lingering Pinesol aroma.
KOSG was oily in the mouth, thin and quite unpleasant.
I have been able to try a lot of absinthes over the years. I have had some of the worst commercials, some of the best artisinals and vice versa. I have been able to try a few vintage absinthes and I have been able to try a few directly out of a still. With that experience I am confidant in saying that KOSG tastes nothing like absinthe.
It was bitter and that’s all. From what I remember of Camargo, the Brazilian absinthe that uses wormwood in the coloring, there were some similarities but it was in the end even better than KOSG.
OVERALL IMPRESSION 2/10
This “absinth” is a product of flagrant false advertising that aims dupe the uninformed
into thinking that they are 1. going to have a induced drug like experience. 2. going to drink real absinthe 3. get what they paid for. After drinking KOSG I will say that there is no altered effect. It is not absinthe, far from it. Finally, there is absolutely no reason an unpleasant oily drink made with fennel seeds a bark dust should cost this much.
When I took the first sip of KOSG there was an audible groan that arose from my stomach!!!
If I had to pick a top 5 worst absinthe list it would be. 5. Hapsburg Red Label 4. Hills 3. Camargo 2. Grune Fee 1. KOSG
Absinthesizer's review cracked me up.
Thanks, DD. I confess that, although drinking KOSG was a dreadful experience, writing about it was a lot of fun.
I think you all got the totally wrong impression about the harshness of the alcohol. You should add water _until_ it louches. My guess is that when it finally _does_ louche, there's not much alcohol left to do any harm. You'd probably end up with drinkable water.
Yet another reason to dilute it 'til it's properly louched (away).
I was flipping thru the Czechsinths yesterday, and I found several rated LOWER than KOS or KOSG. 8s and 9s.
Do tell . . . how could such a thing happen? Is there actually WORSE than KOSG?!
For the umpteenth time...
I'd nominate that as one of the worst beverages of all time.
I drank turpentine to get the taste of the Elixier out of my mouth.
I'm always worried that it will eat through the bottle glass and release noxious fumes into my home while I'm away. I should just throw it out, but it's kind of like keeping a cyanide pill in your teeth for emergencies.
Or you could start keeping a cyanide pill between your teeth in case the bottle breaks.
And while the color isn't natural, it gives away no hint of the of the horrible torture that awaits those foolhardy enough to sample its wretched contents.
Since the label says Fee Verte's Elixier, should I assume that it is the official absinth of this forum?
Trainer, the color of KOSG is really quite ok. The aroma is decent, especially compared to most other czechsinths.
Much as I hate to be responsible for bumping a thread that's been dead for so long:
THIS TOPIC OWNS! I haven't laughed so much in recent memory. Classic!
I agree. The bravery of this group of heroes that were willing to "take one for the team" just brings a tear to my eye. I doubt it will ever make you famous, but you are now infamous.
We prefer the term "notorious."
This nostalgic bump has made me thirsty for one more delicious, savory glass.
Oh well, there doesn't seem to be any on hand, too bad.
Hey, buddy, you wouldn't be intimating that if I "louched" up a glass of that sumptuous, t-bone laden nectar that I become hostile, or abusive, now would you?
Onacuz that never happens.
I never said that.
Oxy haden't made a review yet ? He brought a bottle and don't even drink it maybe he was waiting to see if the guinea pig (aka The Chosen™) dies
I'm more of a "behind the scenes" person.
That's too bad really. You should post more.
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