menu 2
menu 4
menu 6
menu 8
menu 10
menu 12

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> How do I amuse you?
Jaded Prole
post Dec 16 2012, 05:35 PM
Post #1


Absinthe Mafia
*****

Group: Absinthe Mafia
Posts: 4205
Joined: 3-May 04
From: Xit City
Member No.: 704



Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year.

I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,

Timmy Jones





Dear Timmy,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them.

Santa is a little worried about all the time you spend playing video games and texting.

Santa wouldn't want you to get fat.

Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.

Merry Christmas,

Santa Claus





Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for.

I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation.

Also, don't you think that a jab at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?

Respectfully,

Tim Jones





Mr. Jones, While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided.

Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right.

Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court.

Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,

S Claus



Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it.

I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this.

Now you just be disrespecting me.

I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want.

WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!

T-Bone





Listen Pizza Face,

SERIOUSLY???

You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe?

"He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius?

You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal?

I got your shit wired, Jack.

I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza rolls all over the carpet of your mom's basement.

You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry.

Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy





Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.

Timmy





Timmy,

That's what I thought.

Santa


--------------------
A fine absinthe is the product of knowledge, craftsmanship, and talent. An exceptional absinthe is the product of those things plus obsession. Most absinthe is the product of marketing.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Tibro
post Dec 17 2012, 08:31 AM
Post #2


Vaginafly trap
*****

Group: Absinthe Mafia
Posts: 4682
Joined: 13-August 07
Member No.: 2953



Bristol, England


--------------------
When I wake up,
I try to convince myself that my arm
isn't there --
to retain my sanity.

Then I try to convince myself that it is.

Frank Bidart
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Tibro
post Dec 17 2012, 08:33 AM
Post #3


Vaginafly trap
*****

Group: Absinthe Mafia
Posts: 4682
Joined: 13-August 07
Member No.: 2953



Self defense, Gangnam Style.


--------------------
When I wake up,
I try to convince myself that my arm
isn't there --
to retain my sanity.

Then I try to convince myself that it is.

Frank Bidart
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post

Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 



Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 20th July 2018 - 10:07 PM