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Full Version: The Wicker Man Redux, or Burn, Hollywood, Burn!
The Fée Verte Absinthe Forum - The Oldest, Largest, Most Authoritative Absinthe Forum. > The Monkey Hole > Entertainment
Absomphe
So, I just got a PM from Mrs. A (who's taking a merciful break from me this week at a teacher's conferencew in the Land of Enchantment), and the gist of it was this:

There's a remake of The Wicker Man about to be released, starring Nicholas Cage (who's character's last name is Woodward), and Ellen Burstyn, as Lady Summerisle. It will be rated PG13. Oh goody.

Is nothing fucking sacred?

Hollywood moguls need a super-sized Wicker Man, just for them. cdog-plain.gif

That's one Burning Man festival I'd attend with relish...or any other useful condom-mint.
Wild Bill Turkey
And instead of Britt Eklund, grinding naked against the wall, trying to seduce her neighbor, it will be a PG video of Christina Aguilera singing "Come on over baby".
Absomphe
Christina won't be naked, butt she'll almost certainly be scantily clad.

Unfortunately, the parenthetical addendum to the title "Come on Over, Baby" will be "and feed me a sandwich", and I'm not referring to Lemme's bacon torpedo, here, either. Christina ain't no Britt Eklund that's fer sure.

Artemis
I got the Wicker Man disc in the wooden box, on Kallisti's recommendation. Beware of imitations - there are several versions of this movie, some of them with so many minutes cut out that it makes no sense. I like this movie - Christopher Lee as Lord Summerisle, naked village girls dancing among the standing stones, and the volumptuous Britt as a lusty tavern wench, initiating the local boys.

Even Oblivion pays tribute - there is a location in the game named Summerisle, but no way to get there. There might be in a future version.
MrsAbsomphe
QUOTE(Artemis @ Aug 9 2006, 12:06 PM) *

I got the Wicker Man disc in the wooden box...


That's the edition we have as well.

I also read that on September 1 (hardly a coincidence!) another version of the original film will be released, with fifteen extra minutes that have been missing for years.

I don't know whether it will be the same as the wooden box, or whether some 'new' film has surfaced. I hope the latter, since there were some scenes cut and the film went missing. I read about that years ago, on some website or other.

I shall wait. I don't know whether I'll see the new one in the theatre; I'll probably wait for the video.

---Tish looking-up.gif
Artemis
As I remember, the theatrical version released in the U.S. was the biggest mess, and there are one or two others with some minutes restored, and the wooden box edition is the most complete of all but still had some minutes missing.
Jack Batemaster
I prefer Rattan, myself...
Artemis
"SOME PEOPLE LIKE CUPCAKES BETTER. I FOR ONE CARE LESS FOR THEM!"

The rest of the story, as told by Frank Zappa:

The Muffin Man is seated at the table in the laboratory of the Utility Muffin
Research Kitchen... Reaching for an oversized chrome spoon he gathers an
intimate quantity of dried muffin rem-nants and brushing his scapular aside
procceds to dump these inside of his shirt...

He turns to us and speaks:

"SOME PEOPLE LIKE CUPCAKES BETTER. I FOR ONE CARE LESS FOR THEM!"

Arrogantly twisting the sterile canvas snoot of a fully charged icing
anointment utensil he poots forths a quarter-ounce green rosette (oh ah yuk
yuk... let's try that again...!) He poots forth a quarter-ounce green rosette
near the summit of a dense but radiant muffin of his own design.
Later he says:

"SOME PEOPLE... SOME PEOPLE LIKE CUPCAKES EXCLUSIVELY, WHILE MYSELF, I SAY
THERE IS NAUGHT NOR OUGHT THERE BE NOTHING SO EXALTED ON THE FACE OF GOD'S GREAT
EARTH AS THAT PRINCE OF FOODS... THE MUFFIN!"

Girl you thought he was a man
But he was a muffin
He hung around till you found
That he didn't know nuthin'

Girl you thought he was a man
But he only was a-puffin'
No cries is heard in the night
As a result of him stuffin'
jacal01
Wow. Déjà vu all over again.

I attended his concert at the Armadillo Headquarters in Austin the night they recorded that album. They tried to filter out my loud encore whistling, but you can still hear it in the background.

We had a bomb scare that night, and we managed to entice Frank out of his limo, whereby he regaled us with a rendition of Louie, Louie for a handful of us there in the parking lot.
Donnie Darko
Fucking Hollywood cocksuckers have no reverence.

I haven't even seen the wooden box edition of the Wicker Man and I thought the film was amazing. Who cares if it's dated and weird? That's part of the charm.

Guess what else they're remaking? The Changeling, which is in my top 5 all time horror movies list.

Guess what else they're remaking? Michael Haneke's Funny Games, but at least Haneke himself is remaking it, just doing the same film but in English basically, which I'm OK with since he's directing it.

I'm just waiting for them to remake Eraserhead. Then I'll kill myself.

On second though, I'll let myself live and kill whoever remakes it.

I heard someone make the argument that remakes are the ultimate form of flattery, and that it's like different theater companies doing their own interpretation of Shakespeare.

All I have to say to that is which would you rather see? The original play directed by Shakespeare himself or some studio kid's trendy interpretation of it?
Absomphe
QUOTE(Donnie Darko @ Aug 9 2006, 05:42 PM) *



Guess what else they're remaking?


Um, everything, and usually in a slipshod, playing-fast-and-loose kinda way that fucks with the original concept aand tone, while adding nothing clever or interesting.

Because that's exactly what producer asswipes think the average moviegoer deserves.

And, who knows, maybe they're right., although gate receipts usually don't agree.

And neither do the rest of us.
Artemis
They used to do Shakespeare on the green in a park at the University of Nebraska at Omaha every summer (probably still do, but I don't live there anymore) and I would go - it was usually some "interpretation" - one of the plays, they set in a "Western" theme with cowboys and cowgirls, and I was surprised, it was pretty good - Shakespeare is still Shakespeare. I had a hard time with the movie where Denzell Washington is the prince. None of the ostensibly Italians seem to notice that their Prince is a black man. Blazing Saddles (the sheriff is a NIGGER!) it's not. But I have to admit, Denzell was smooth as a big electric cat. Keanu Reaves, on the other hand - any anatomy class specimen could have done as well in his part.
Esseintes
Same story with so many films. Remember "Solaris" - such an impressive original from Tarkowsky and have a look what Hollywood made out of it.

The Wicker man is hardly known over here - I guess they never translated it. I got a VHS some 10 years ago in London. What I never understood is, that it is rated as a horror movie. Is that because Lee is main actor? I watched it so many times - and each time I like it more. The more I watch it the less I find any horror in it.

I doubt that the remake is going to be any good, but at least one should give it a chance.
Mashoujiki
Let's face it, there are no new ideas in American cinema. Every movie that comes out nowadays is a remake, a sequel, or stolen from comic books (and occasionally literature). Well, except for the ones that capitalize on 9.11 sentiment.
Wild Bill Turkey
I think that's not so much an "American" problem, as a "big-budget" problem. Any movie with a budget of more than thirty million dollars is going to be made by a committee of bankers, not one artist, and as such will need to prove before shooting begins that it can recoup its production costs. Thus no material gets made that hasn't already been made, and sold successfully. (remakes, sequels, media-crossovers)

North American independant filmmakers are still making individual movies, with groundbreaking stories and narrative styles. They just aren't being shown at the big blockbuster movie theatres, or at the 64-screen multi-plex theatre at the mall. They aren't advertised on television.
Donnie Darko
QUOTE(Mashoujiki @ Aug 9 2006, 11:05 PM) *

Let's face it, there are no new ideas in American cinema. Every movie that comes out nowadays is a remake, a sequel, or stolen from comic books (and occasionally literature). Well, except for the ones that capitalize on 9.11 sentiment.


And that one is stolen from real events and then makes them unreal by having people on screen pretend to go through loss. The movie has gotten generally good reviews, but I have no interest in seeing it. If you or someone you were close with was violently raped, would you look forward to seeing a movie that depicted them getting raped? Seeing it without slow motion and pretty faced rich actors was enough for me.

I have no problem with people making movies about national tragedies, but it seems odd given that it happened so recently. We all remember it just fine, and already know the story, so I don't see what the point is in rewriting it in our own minds through a film adaptation. Maybe some people just like to feel connected to other people's suffering, but prefer to do it within the safety of having an orchestra and actors telling them when to cry.
Absomphe
QUOTE(Mashoujiki @ Aug 9 2006, 08:05 PM) *

Let's face it, there are no new ideas in American cinema.


Not true, there was "Memento", for one.

Of course, it was rejected by every major Hollywood studio, and had to be released independently.
Donnie Darko
Pretty much anything Charlie Kaufman or the Coen Brothers do is a relatively new idea, although the Coens sole remake (Ladykillers) wasn't up to their normal level of quality.
Donnie Darko
QUOTE(Artemis @ Aug 9 2006, 09:28 PM) *

They used to do Shakespeare on the green in a park at the University of Nebraska at Omaha every summer (probably still do, but I don't live there anymore) and I would go - it was usually some "interpretation" - one of the plays, they set in a "Western" theme with cowboys and cowgirls, and I was surprised, it was pretty good - Shakespeare is still Shakespeare.


I really like seeing Shakespeare adaptions. My favourite is by one Shakespeare company I forget the name of that does a complete abridged adaption of all of his works in just over 2 hours. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen on stage. They even do Hamlet backwards (the Ghost at the beginning says "Oob!" instead of "Boo!").

In terms of remakes or adaptions though, when it comes to Shakespeare we don't have the option of seeing the original work directed by him, so the closest vision we get of it is what he wrote. In film, we do have the option of seeing the original, which is why 9 times out of 10 I find I prefer the original. The only remake I can think of that was better overall than the original was Hitchcock's remake of his own "The Man Who Knew Too Much".
Artemis
QUOTE
We had a bomb scare that night, and we managed to entice Frank out of his limo, whereby he regaled us with a rendition of Louie, Louie for a handful of us there in the parking lot.


That was a good album. Around that time I had been living in Japan for a few years and I was due to return to America in 1976. I had it in my head that the bicentennial would be a very big deal, profound and inspirational. Probably the lack of exposure to actual American culture for so many months had helped to engender such a naive view. Frank had it right on that album, with Poofter's Froth, Wyoming: people are going to celebrate 200 years of America by making and trying to sell you shit you don't need, and probably ought not to buy.
Donnie Darko
I was born that year. Someone gave me some horrible "Bicentennial Baby" union suit as a gift, still have it in a chest somewhere. I think my dad also has a collection of "commemorative bicentennial collectable" coins. Now they're worth about $10 more than what he paid for them.

At least it was also the year of The Dragon, so it wasn't all rubbish.
Donnie Darko
Back to the subject of remakes.

I saw Tim Burton's remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory last night.

He nailed it.

It's better than the original, no kidding. I was VERY skeptical going in, which is why I waited till it was on HBO, but Burton's version is much more timeless than the original, has less schmaltzy musical moments, is a total eye-candy stylistic masterpiece, and much closer to the book than the original. The sets and costumes looks so good they seem edible. The casting is perfect, everybody from Johnny Depp on down to the Oompa Loompa (there's only one, they cloned him) seemed to me exactly as I imagined them from the book. Every last detail down to different lens choices for different characters (Augustus Gloop has a subtle fish-eye effect) is amazing. Every now and then someone does a remake right, and Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is one of those rare occaisions.
traineraz
Agreed, the new one is far more disturbing than cute. Especially the Oompa Loompa.

At no point did I want to smack Johnny Depp upside the head for being a douchebag, even if he WAS playing the love child of Michael Jackson and Elton John.
Absomphe
Figures that the critics would pan it, or whoever was responsible for giving it one out of four stars on Comcast.

Now I'll look foward to it, since it should be more disturbing than cute, as most Roahld Dahl stories are.
Artemis
I don't remember the name, but the one about the little girl with the asshole parents is a good film. Danny DeVito as the asshole dad.
traineraz
Matilda.

I'm sure it's coincidence that the family's name was Wormwood?
Donnie Darko
Yeah, Matilda was brilliant. Every kid's dream is to get magical revenge on people who are mean to them. Devito directed it.
Nymphadora
The movie version of Dahl's Witches is one of my favorites. Anjelica Huston does a remarkable job.
Stroller
QUOTE(traineraz @ Aug 15 2006, 12:46 PM) *

Agreed, the new one is far more disturbing than cute. Especially the Oompa Loompa.

At no point did I want to smack Johnny Depp upside the head for being a douchebag, even if he WAS playing the love child of Michael Jackson and Elton John.


Now I was not so impressed. I liked Gene Wilder better.
Donnie Darko
Wilder was more of a charming freak, whereas Depp emphasized the freak part more and the charming part less. Wilder came across as warmer and more likeable than Depp, but I thought Depp was closer to the Wonka in the book. Both movies changed the ending, but the original movie is closer to the book's ending, although aside from the ending the Burton movie is much closer to the book.
Patlow
And the new one has those fantastic squirrels!!!
Nymphadora
QUOTE(Donnie Darko @ Aug 10 2006, 11:56 AM) *

QUOTE(Artemis @ Aug 9 2006, 09:28 PM) *

They used to do Shakespeare on the green in a park at the University of Nebraska at Omaha every summer (probably still do, but I don't live there anymore) and I would go - it was usually some "interpretation" - one of the plays, they set in a "Western" theme with cowboys and cowgirls, and I was surprised, it was pretty good - Shakespeare is still Shakespeare.


I really like seeing Shakespeare adaptions. My favourite is by one Shakespeare company I forget the name of that does a complete abridged adaption of all of his works in just over 2 hours. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen on stage. They even do Hamlet backwards (the Ghost at the beginning says "Oob!" instead of "Boo!").


The performing troupe is the Reduced Shakespeare Company. They also do a show based on the history of the bible, famous books and the history of Western civilization. Funny stuff! I show their Shakespeare rendition to my students.
Fredie
I have a friend in England who worked for Twickenham studios
and he told me a couple of years ago when this was just starting production
one of the female leads (not sure if it was Britt Eklund's part) was supposed to
(yikes!) Emma Bunton aka Baby Spice.
Donnie Darko
QUOTE(Nymphadora @ Aug 16 2006, 09:14 PM) *

The performing troupe is the Reduced Shakespeare Company. They also do a show based on the history of the bible, famous books and the history of Western civilization. Funny stuff! I show their Shakespeare rendition to my students.


So does my wife. Her 16 year old Blood & Crip students in Bed Stuy Brooklyn are more into Shakespeare than most of the white kids in the one private high school I went to were.
Nymphadora
They can probably relate to the Capulets and Montagues!

I won't be able to show the Reduced Shakespeare DVD anymore. My assistant principal viewed the Othello rap and found it offensive. I teach in the Bible Belt and the administration wants us to teach like we are still living in the 1950's. It's really sad. The kids were actually interested in Shakespeare with that DVD as an introduction.

It's a shame, really. She found that material offensive?! She knows nothing about Shakespeare. In Othello, Iago riles Desdemona's father by having him imagine that "the big, black ram was tupping his tender white ewe".
Donnie Darko
Yikes. I grew up down there and know exactly what it is like. The only thing you can be thankful for is that your AP is probably too stupid and not well-read enough, otherwise there'd be a lot more things you wouldn't be allowed to teach. Like Shakespeare.

I got fed up with the puritanical Bible Belt bullshit so I left my one public high school in 10th grade and transferred to a much more progressive experimental school that was publicly funded. My reading list one semester contained Toni Morrison's Sula, Alice Walker's Possessing the Secret of Joy, The Fountainhead, and Upton Sinclair's The Jungle. I bet your AP would start a new book burning campaign if she read any of those books. In fact, she'd probably have you fired if she found out you posted on this forum.

Jack Batemaster
Gene Wilder is the xit! Butt I've always wondered if the drapes match the carpet?
Donnie Darko
You'll have to have a seance and ask Gilda Radner.
jacal01
QUOTE(Artemis @ Aug 10 2006, 02:03 PM) *
Frank had it right on that album, with Poofter's Froth, Wyoming: people are going to celebrate 200 years of America by making and trying to sell you shit you don't need, and probably ought not to buy.

Thot I was going to segue this into a nice little Montana reference, but wrong album. This xit all runs together in my olde age.

QUOTE(Donnie Darko @ Aug 10 2006, 02:33 PM) *

I was born that year. At least it was also the year of The Dragon, so it wasn't all rubbish.

I’ve got a story about that, too. Seems my older brother was all egoed up about being born in the Year of the Dragon, so he got a big green fire breathing dragon tattoo running down his arm, with the tail peeking out from under short sleeves, while he was in the Marines stationed in Taiwan. Come to find out that the Chinese New Year started in February that year, and his birthday in January was in the Year of the Rabbit. I asked him if he was going to try to get his dragon tattoo removed and maybe replaced by Bugs Bunny or Thumper or some such, but for some reason he didn’t find that funny.
Artemis
I might be movin to Montana soon ....

Me and my pygmy pony.

Chinese year is lunar - it always or almost always breaks in February. I'm a water dragon myself.
jacal01
I guess if you’re harvesting floss on a tiny hoss, you’d need zircon encrusted tweezers. Economy of scale.

As opposed to what, an air dragon?

On a Cliff Clavin note, current thinking is that dragons both in the East and West arose from ancient discovering of dinosaur skulls and bones, as well as other mythological beasts such as cyclops (mastodon).
Artemis
Air

Earth

Fire

Water

This is the 48-year cycle, every animal in the Chinese calendar rotates among these, changing elements every 12 years.
jacal01
Wow. Lucky guess. I almost knew that. I would guess speculating your age that my brother was not a fire dragon, then.
traineraz
But Wikipedia knows all, and Wiki sez:

QUOTE
Metal is one of the five elements of Chinese alchemy. It is associated with organization and stability. The archetypal metal is gold.

The Chinese five elements do not include an air element. Air, however, is considered an analog of metal in contexts that require an air element.


The five being Metal (Air), Water, Wood, Fire, Earth.
jacal01
Is that the order? Then my brother wouldn't be a heavy metal dragon.
traineraz
But I'm a flying pig.

Or pig iron, whichever.

(Not sure about the order, I might have mixed them up. But it's on Wikipedia!)
Artemis
It would be neater if they did as I say, and not as they do. But wood and metal sounds familiar. My entire education in Chinese culture comes from the place mats in Chinese restaurants, and I haven't been inside one in a long time.
traineraz
Then you know more than I.
jacal01
After compulsory schooling while stationed in Japan, I thot I had once and for all harrumphed my way into using my fork in Asian restaurants, but I got cornered into using chopsticks in an authentic sushi bar last month. That’ll cramp some unused hand muscles in a hurry.

No bamboo placemats, tho.
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